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There is no real need to bring out a passage showing approval of homosexuality. After all, the Bible condemns only those actions it actually condemns, and homosexuality is not one of those things.
However, even though they are not strictly necessary, there *are* several passages that show approval of gay relationships.
To mention just one, there is the love affair between David and Jonathan.
Quote:
1 Samuel 18:1,3
"And it came to pass, when he [David] had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul . . . And Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul."
And immediately afterward, Jonathan disrobed before David:
Quote:
1 Samuel 18:4
"Jonathan divested himself of the mantle he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his military dress, and his sword, his bow and his belt.
Jonathan was not only disrobing, but was turning the symbols of his manhood over to David. This draws a very clear picture of what is happening here.
Quote:
1 Samuel 20:30
"Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse [David] to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother's nakedness?"
Reference to the nakedness of one's parents is one of the methods used in the Bible to refer to a sexual relationship. Jonathan had chosen David as his lover. And in the same conversations Saul says:
Quote:
1 Samuel 20:31
Why, as long as the son of Jesse lives upon the earth you cannot make good your claim to the kingship!
This clarifies Saul's problem. One of the most important duties of being a king was producing an heir. Obviously, Jonathan had no intention of producing an heir, and therefore could not provide the final step needed to make good his claim to the kingship. He loved David and *only* David.
Quote:
1 Samuel 20:41
" . . . they [David and Jonathan] kissed one another, and wept one with another . . . "
Here they are displaying a deep affection for one another, and showing an emotional attachment well beyond what would be shown by two heterosexuals in a similar situation. They actually weep together because of their upcoming forced separation.
Quote:
2 Samuel 1:26
[After Jonathan's death, David said,] "I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."
As you can see, they were very much in love. The Bible shows them kissing one another -- not a normal activity for heterosexual men. To make sure you don't miss the sexual aspect, the love is compared (favorably, by the way) with the love of a woman. Their souls were knit together in love, and they made a covenant because of their love. Just think about how many covenants are made because of love. The covenant of marriage sort of sticks out. The actions immediately following that declaration of love are also unmistakable. Not many covenants made because of love result in the participants disrobing in each other's presence, but one such covenant -- the covenant of marriage -- does.
The comment about the nakedness of Jonathan's mother in the discussion of his relationship with David strongly implies a sexual element to the relationship. This just reiterates what is already obvious.
To emphasize the point, Saul offers his oldest daughter Meroh to David, but David turns down the offer. He then offers his younger daughter Michel to David, who loves David, but David also turns this down. Something very interesting here is that, even though the Bible says that Michel loved David, there is no reciprical "David loved Michel" statement. David finally agrees to marry Michel, but not for love, but rather for the benefit of having the king as his father-in-law.
Quote:
1 Samuel 18:26
"When the servants reported this offer to David, he was pleased with the prospect of becoming the king's son-in-law."
Note that there is no mention of being pleased at the prospect of marrying Michel, bit only with becoming the king's son-in-law.
David was obviously bisexual. But with a preference for men, since he found his love for Jonathan to be wonderful, passing the love of women. As a King he *had* to have a harem and produce heirs, no matter his sexual orientation, but his one true love was Jonathan.
You know, I have thought about how *I* would have phrased things to clearly show a homosexual relationship in the Bible. Other than describing the physical act itself, which I would not do, I would have done it by saying that they loved each other. To make absolutely clear that this was a gay relationship that was the equivalent of marriage, I would have said that they made a covenant between each other because of their love. I doubt that I sould have gone as far as to show them disrobing as the Bible does, but I might add in the symbolism of giving up the sword. Just in case that got missed, though I would have found it hard to believe that this could be misconstrued, I would have shown an example of physical affection, perhaps going as far as to say they kissed. Surely that would be enough for *anyone* to know that this was a gay relationship. But just in case anyone managed to deny that, I would have added something like having one of the characters compare their relationship to a relationship with a woman, and find this one better. No one could possibly misinterpret *that* one. But just to make *absolutely* sure that it could not be mistaken for anything but a homosexual relationship that included a sexual element, I would use one of the code phrases used to point out a sexual relationship, such as a reference to "the confusion of thy mother's nakedness".
Actually, I probably would never have gone that far, because I would not have believed that anyone could *possibly* miss the obvious. But I cannot think of *anything* that I could have written that would have made the point beyond what is actually shown here.
There have been several attempts to point to alleged homosexual couples in the Bible, primarily Ruth and Naomi, Daniel and Ashpenaz, and David and Jonathon. The arguments regarding Ruth/Naomi and Daniel/Ashpenaz are far from compelling for me. The arguments regarding David and Jonathon, however, while not quite compelling, leave open the strong possibility that they were involved in an homosexual marriage.
Starting from the crux of the argument at 1 Samuel 18:21, Saul tells David, that by marrying Saul's daughter Michal, David will be his son-in-law for the second time (Hebrew: "bstym ttctn by hynm"). The actual translation of this phrase is somewhat controversial, being literally translated "You will become my son-in-law through two." In this instance, the correct interpretation of this verse is crucial, because it radically shapes our view of David and Jonathon's relationship, since Scripture only indicates that David had any kind of relationship with two of Saul's children: Jonathon and Michal. Some translations interpret this verse as meaning that Saul "said for the second time," or that David has a "second opportunity" to become Saul's son-in-law. These interpretations, however, are strained, and the Hebrew does not easily lend itself to mean either of these. Most standard translations clearly interpret the verse to mean that David will become Saul's son-in-law for the second time (NIV being the primary exception, and the RSV is ambiguous):
ASV: Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son-in-law a second time.
RSV: Therefore Saul said to David a second time, "You shall now be my son-in-law."
BBE: So Saul said to David, Today you are to become my son-in-law for the second time.
DBY: And Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son-in-law a second time.
YLT: Saul saith unto David, `By the second -- thou dost become my son-in-law to-day.'
NAS: Therefore Saul said to David, "For a second time you may be my son-in-law today."
The question then becomes what Saul actually meant if he is telling David that he will become his son-in-law for the second time. The first offer Saul made to David for a wife was Merab, but she married Adriel of Meholah instead (18:19). The only other covenant made between Saul's family and David was between David and Jonathon in 18:3, which is not a covenant of business or politics, but of friendship/love ("ahbh"). Moreover, this relationship is described in very strong emotive language, starting in 18:1. Prior to looking at this more closely, an understanding of the story up to this point is helpful. In chapter 17, we find David's older brothers going to war against the Philistines while David stays at home. David is then sent to take food to his brothers, following which is the classic David and Goliath story. As David goes back to Saul after killing Goliath, we see that David is totally unknown to King Saul (17:58). However, as David talks to King Saul, Jonathon falls in love with David, after having never met him, or talked to him (which has a vague sound of "love at first sight" in our culture).
1 Samuel 18:1-4 (NIV)
1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.
2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house.
3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
While there is no similarity between the Hebrew phrases in 1 Samuel 18:1-2 above and in Genesis 2:24, there is a striking similarity in concepts between the son leaving the parents to join to a spouse, and the two becoming one:
Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
When we put together chapter 18, from the beginning, with Jonathon's strong emotional affection towards David and their subsequent covenant, to the end, where we see Saul referring to David being his son-in-law a second time with his marriage to Michal, we see the very strong possibility that David and Jonathon were joined in a covenant that Saul recognized as a marriage. This line of reasoning, while persuasive to me, it is not conclusive. First, I don't know that we have any other extant Hebrew literature of that era that refers to a gay marriage, which would lead one to question whether or not Saul would have seen David and Jonathon's covenant as one of legal marriage. If not, then the only possibility for Saul's language in 18:21 is that he was referring to David's second son-in-law status as coming from the original promise by Saul to give Merab to him (18:17), even though Merab married another man. A second possible criticism is that this argument is made from conjecture, that no specific reference is made to marriage (ynh, yqch) or sexual activity. This, however, is not a valid criticism. The words referring to marriage in the Old Testament are typically in the context of being "taken" or "given" (yqch) as property (byvlh) or protector/provider (ybm), since women had no rights in Hebrew culture, and were considered property to be given/sold. This aspect of marriage would not have been applicable to David and Jonathon's relationship. The other primary word translated as marry is actually the exact same word as "woman" (ishh), which obviously isn't applicable in this case. As for the lack of specific reference to sexual activity which would definitively signify marriage, very few Old Testament relationships which are clearly marriage relationships have subsequent descriptions of sexual activity, therefore it is improbable that such a characterization would be applied here either. However, 2 Samuel 1:26 may even be a reference to sexual activity between David and Jonathon. After Jonathon has been killed, David mourns his death, and says the following (NIV):
26 I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.
In Hebrew culture, similar to many mid-eastern cultures today, men and women did not engage in platonic relationships. They were either married, or they had no relationship. In this case, David compares his relationship with Jonathon to the relationship with a woman, strongly indicating a marriage/sexual relationship. Further, the word used for love here (ahbh; used also in 1 Samuel 18:3 and 1 Samuel 20:17 referring for Jonathon's love for David) is the same word used in Genesis 29:20 for Jacob's love for Rachel, and is used repeatedly in Song of Songs. It is typically translated as love in the context of a marriage or sexual desire (Proverbs 5:19, etc.; see Strong's concordance #0160).
After this analysis we are left with two questions. First, could Saul have legally seen David and Jonathon's covenant as marriage, to the extent that he would call David a son-in-law. Second, is the intensity of the language referring to Jonathon's love and covenant with David, and David's reference to his love for Jonathan, enough to sustain the belief that they were engaged in a marriage covenant? Neither of these questions can be answered definitively. Whether or not Saul would have legally condoned this relationship can only be answered with further research into the marriage documents from that time, which I don't know exist anymore. However, the conceptual parallel of marriage between 1 Samuel 18:1-2 and Genesis 2:24, the intensity and type of language used in 1 Samuel 18:1-4 and subsequent covenant between Jonathon and David, and David's comparison of his love to that of women certainly leads me to the conclusion that their relationship could have been one of marriage.
In other news, i'm heading out of town this upcoming weekend, so that's very cool, and Me and Robert are still trucking along fine. I really think we are really understanding each other, but i take it one day at a time.
I'm opening up the website for my books on My birthday. I think that's a fitting present. And i start my gymbership in two weeks so it finally feels like shyt is really getting done. It's time to celebrate, so i think i might go down to the movies and see zombieland on friday. These last couple of months have been pretty much just a whole lot of work, so a small treat should be cool. I started the transfer to my new e-name, KomiOMG, and have also started the recording of a music CD, i just gotta find the right artists to get that project on its way.
But just a short little journal entry, and that's all. TTYL
Like I said before, I HAVE NO BEEF WITH JAMES. I used to always talk about how I thought i understood him and all that. I don't. He does a lot of things that confuses me. And i'm sure he would say the same. I think I don't have the slightest clue about him at all. I actually called him and said i don't know anything about anyone at all, the lst time we talked. I'm just hoping that people do not try to turn this into some kinda war thing.
All i did was express how i felt, regardless of how anyone felt about it. I was just saying a lot of stuff that was on my mind. That's all. A random vent that shouldn't have any consequences, just like when everyone else vents in theirs.
I wasn't the one who straight up said people were PAID or whatever else.
All i said was how i feel. That is all. And whats worse, he isn't gonna talk to me about it. The only reason i know something is wrong is because he unfollowed my twitter. I don't expect him to call, or to email, or to even say two words to me. He probably is just fine being mad at me or whatever, but no matter what happens its' cool.
This part is for Henry, who apparently thinks my whole life is mugler.
When i'm not gone on a trip, i'm not thinking Mugler. When i'm not at a function i'm not thinking Mugler. It's nice, i enjoy myself, but no group dominates my time anymore. Who knows as things grow or whatever. Actually, Work dominates my time. I missed my grandmother's funeral because of work. I missed Charles funeral, because of work. I missed llil Jovi's bar mitzvah because of work. And he is supposed to be my unofficial little brother. I've pissed robert off because of work. If anything consumes my time, it's work. The last minute schedule, (put up on saturday, regardless if you work or not,) the constant bitching, the low pay... arrgh. But anyway i will be starting school sometime in may. So i'm gonna try to survive.
But back to this whole thing. I didn't expect anyone to care to read anything anyway, because I was told I was Paid. Yeah, it hurt, but i guess i understand why they would say it. That's the only reason I'm not mad. I feel like i needed to clear my head and take a break from under the old umbrella and branch. It seems like everyone else does. Regardless of my reasons, i havent done anything more than anyone else. I never said anything bad to anyone. I never roasted you to friends, I never badmouthed you to anyone. I just lived life. That's all.
And No, Mugler and Capsani are not the same thing. Capsani started out a close knit family. To the point where i could feel comfortable hanging out with people i wouldn't even know. Mugler is an organization with hotels, and road trips. It's like Comparing BattleBrawl to TNA. Capsani will always be a part of my heart. Even though i'm on the official PAID list of the Capsani founder. Capsani can't be taken away. It made a good part of who i am, good and bad. But what do i want now? I want a close knit group. Mugler so far is the closest i got. I want Brothers and Sisters again. I'm a naturally antisocial person. I feel better in the watcher position than the lime light. I don't like to be the focus of the show just a valued part of one. I'm definitely an ensemble cast kind of guy. I am most comfortable in a Jericho position. Important enough to not be forgotten and yet, not the belle of the ball.
All i'm saying is, we all are a certain type of person. I might be superficial, or mean, or distant. But i have good points too. Just like with James, I see some good and some bad. But i never was the one to make any CONCIOUS choice to say "Hey, you know what? I'm gonna pay him." It's was more like, "Eh, i'm probably a nuisance. Why else would he talk about me all the time?" And then i got distanced. I don't expect to be understood. I'm far too strange for that. But to those who i felt i wasn't a nuisance i wasn't that far away.
James used to always talk about how I would cry for attention, and how i would whine and bitch. Well I don't do that anymore. I want as little attention as possible. And I criticize myself. Frequently. In fact, if it weren't for my journal no one would know what i was thinking in the first place. I have said much of anything. It seems like no matter what i do, whether i whine and bitch and cry out for love, or whether i quietly remain in my own corner saying very little here and there, I'm always gonna get the same result.
So i accept it. My flaws and all, your flaws and all. It is whatever it is.
That's where the whole dead and gone thing comes in. Whether it's old Komi or new Komi, you still ain't gonna like Komi regardless. Either way, whatever i DO say is considered stupid. Whatever i DO is considered annoying. Why Bother with a futile result? I can't and probably havent ever made you "happy". So why worry about it? I decided to do what i should have since the beginning, which is make myself happy, and let everyone decide where they stand.
You told me for years that i was too worried about other peoples opinions. I still care, i'm not gonna sit up here and pretend i dont. But it's kinda muted to before. I wish we could be best friends, like i always wish, james. But the bottom line is you aren't gonna have it that way regardless of what i do. I'm just the stupid and annoying dude you know/knew. I'm just tired of being tolerated. I want someone to be glad I'm their friend.
The only difference is, if they aren't gonna have it that way, then i am forced to accept it. I'm gonna say it again. I HAVE NO BEEF WITH JAMES REGARDLESS OF HO
Any questions?
Well, Journal, it's just you and me. I figure by now that no one is gonna read this journal. Their trees have been trimmed and all that, so I'm cool with that. Since the last time i posted, A WHOLE LOT has changed.
Subject One: Glen is Gone.
Believe it or not? I miss him. I really miss him. I can't remember the last time that we had not spoken in 48 hours. But he has moved off to PG county and surprisingly, he still keeps in touch with me, and I with him. It's funny how i finally became man enough to hold my own even against Glen's stubborn side, and we finally started to get along, and he had to move. He was my first boyfriend and no matter what, he will never ever be absent from my heart. Things didn't work on the relationship level, but they sure as hell work on the friendship level, so that's probably the best new since whenevr i last blogged.
Subject two: Robert and I.
I don't know how this is going to go. Robert is in a very good place right now and I fear that he will leave me out in the cold. I don't know. He is very random. Somedays he is loving, appreciative, and makes me feel great. Other days he can be a little spoiled, arrogant, and makes my life hell. But something about him brings back the man in me that had gotten so buried by worrying what other people think. Something about him makes me speak my mind, instead of holding it in and just whining about it. I feel free with him. As of right now, we are in limbo, relationship wise, that is. Not together, not single. But whatever happens, unlike the old me I will be prepared.
Subject Three. I have officially joined a house.
I know, I know, I used to be against them. I used to say it was nothing but drama. But i realized something that was missing in my life. Family. And I know you're probably thinking bout the capsanis. I will get to them later. I'm officially a Miyake-Mugler as of Labor day, September 7, 2007. I walked my first ball as the thug realness category too. I didn't win, but at least i didnt get chopped. I like the brother-sister feeling. It reminds me of the Early Capsani Years before we all splintered off. So far i have been to Atlanta, and to Chicago, and will have a chance to win some money in NY next weekend. I'm not completely naive, either. I already know that there may or may not be drama. It eems like all gays have a little drama within their circles. But at least i'm getting paid for it when i win, and i get to enjoy some out of baltimore traveling now and then.
Subject Four: The Death Of Charles Lamont.
I am sorry to hear he passed away. This incident, more than anything else, has been the catalyst for all of the actions of what probably seems strange to the old crew. But It opened my eyes. What was I really heading toward? In charles I see the guy who had the Best heart i know, and who was just confused by a lot of this world. He REALLY tried hard to fit into this place. And in the end, most of us, myself included at times, abused his niceness. We called him weird. We called him a stalker. Some times we stopped talking to him altogether. But all Charles wanted was to be Loved. Unconditionally, despite his lack of social skill or adeptness. And his family turned their back. And the Capsanis turned their back. And I too turned my back. To me. he was the Michael Jackson of our lives. And we all crucified him. He became a running joke, and a frequent target of our cruelties. I am at least glad i realized my mistakes early enough to apologize to him. The last time i saw him, he offered to give me a chain that said "Best friend in the World". Knowing i was just beginning to trust people again, I told him lets work up to that type of committment. I told him hold on to it, and make sure that you still feel that way after our bond had grown stronger. Because at that point, I really felt like I hadn't been a very good friend to him. I had just begun to correct my flaws and look at the beautiful person inside, and not the socially awkward one outside. Charles, Robert Glen, and My Mom are probably the only people to ever see me cry. I try not to show that weakness. And out of that list, only Charles is a non boyfriend or family member. I poured my heart out and told him I apologize for everything I ever did to bully him, to tease him. He told me i was already forgiven. I am truly grateful that i had a chance to make peace with him before he died. I ran into dale the other day, and despite our past, we had a very good chat, talking about him. And Dale told me that the last time He'd seen charles, he was trying to contact me to retry giving me the chain because he felt i deserved it. And he died the very next day.
Subject Five. Capsani.
Once upon a time the capsani's were the only family I had. I am still grateful for those times. But i have been at distance from them. For at least 3 months or so. When Charles died, it made me realize that I was in for the same fate. Every Journal i'm mentioned in, every blog my name comes up in, I'm always the stupid one. The Running Joke. The Black Sheep. I even caved a little and tried to come to sayvions party and got rejected. Stan can come to one event a year, and be accepted like it's nothing. But not me. I knew already of these things, so i just let it roll off my shoulders. They straight up said i got "Paid". It's cool though. At least i know for sure that i was never issed in the first place nd that i ade the right decision. I started thinking, who is gonna out reach to me? I called them and showed up for almost everything back then. I noticed that Terrence cared. I noticed steven, matt, and sometimes sayvion cared. So i just let things happen. I said nothing, and i did nothing, and i let everyone sort themselves. I'm not enemies with anyone, not even James. I have no beef, he might have one with me, but I don't know. Either way, he probably hasn't even noticed. Well he might just because I havent come to tapings or stuff like that. But he never calls me, I still call him sometimes. Which is funny cuz out of everyone, he is the only one i DID call. Don't believe me? I can't see his LJ's. You tell me when was the last time my name was mentioned for a positive reason. lol. Go ahead, I'll Wait. Count back how many livejournals he called me stupid in. I'm still waiting. lol But anyway, things go where they will. I'm not loud, or crazy, or hot tempered anymore. I'm quite serene because I know that even if no one cares, I care about myself. I will enjoy life regardless. I miss the old gang terribly. But like they said, I'm just another Paid person like the rest. James wrote somethng one time, NOBODY'S SPECIAL. He was right. So they go their way and I go mine. I'm just tryna make sure i don't Die the running joke of people i consider close to me. Que sera sera. I fought for love a billion times, then i realized, So what if no one cares? At least there are no surprise battles, no impact when they slander. I finally learned that Nothing i can do can make people care about me. And serenity goes into acceptance.
I'm actually surprised how long this blog went. But I feel okay.
Normally, I'd just say "and that's not a threat" or maybe even rip someone elses line and "black out" but that's the old me. But i've been driving on this road so long, just trying to find my way back home, but the old me's dead and gone, dead and gone.
Love.... Is just a cold and broken Hallelujah. Truer words have not yet been spoken.
- Location:Mecca
- Mood:
satisfied - Music:Dead and Gone
Leave James out of this. Leave Patrick out of this. What i want is me and you, oldschool. No Computers. No Witnesses. I won't even tell who you are. But reveal yourself to me. Pick a time. Pick a place. I have needed a place to physically vent my frustrations for a very long time. I'm fatally serious. I am willing to pay you ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY BUCKS. Show yourself. One on One.
You really don't understand. You have unfortunately become the the straw that broke the camel's back.
You must not know how crazy i can be.
I want to beat you until your brain bleeds out of your ears. I want to taste your blood on my tongue. I want to rip you into pieces and defecate on your face. I want to pull your jugular from your throat with my teeth. I want to headbutt you until your skull caves in. I want to see the last gasps of life ebb out of your body. I want to be the last thing you see before your eyes bleach over, and you heart stops beating. I want the last glimpse of your life to be ME. KOMI. Not Komisabe, the silent athlete. Not Darth K Capsani, the token butch. Not Jedi Komisabe the peaceful.
Komi Christopher will be the punctuation on your pitiful life.
I swear, Take my offer. I SWEAR.
And you can maintain your "honor". I will see to it that you were "randomly found" along the shores of the inner harbor. It will go down in the books that you were a john doe. No one has to know who you are except me. I may even attend your funeral. I DARE you to hack this. I fucking dare you to take my offer.
Crazy people change the world that normal people live in.
You haven't the slightest idea how much anger is in me. And it truly needs an outlet. Truly. I am willing to put up, to shut you up. You picked the wrong motherfucker to frame.
Be Warned. Be Wary. Be Gone.
or else your life will be abbrieviated, punctuated, and maybe decapitated.
PERIOD
Come and Die bitch. You name the time, you name the place.
See with Glen i used to get head daily, at least twice. Then a little ass once or twice a week. And sometimes if he didn't feel like taking it or if he was too sore from before, I would just kinda frot it out between his thighs so i could still feel the ass up against me. He knows how to push my buttons.
Now since we are done for good, i haven't had anything at all. Cold turkey. Celibate.
I have been successfully vegetarian for the last three days.
I'm trying to think of what's been going on, but all that my brain can think of is sex. so i decided just now to spice this entry up.
now that i got that out of the way....
funny ones!
aiight. i'm done. ttyl.
PERIOD!!!
I had to end the whole thing with James, and thus far i have no knowledge of anything else that may be going on over on his end. I do miss our friendship, but like the other taurus in my life, i had to learn no matter how i feel that I can't save everything. Sometimes, no matter what good intentions you have for something, there isn't anything you can do.
I've been hanging out with Steven a lot lately, and even got surprised by Charles the other day. I'm cool with him for the most part. He has his problems, and i honestly see him introspecting into things and trying to change things about himself. He wrote me a letter the other day and kept it respectful and everything. So i apologized to him for avoiding him at times and never hanging with him and stuff like that. I'm trying to make my amends where i can, and trying my best to evolve things.
I am still doing komisabe.com, but i'm not marketing it here, maybe elsewhere. I don't really care about the traffic to the site, because based off of the stuff i have seen in other endeavors like capclassic.com and the house of divinci, and stuff like that. Peopl you know normally don't see you in the same light as someone who doesn't know you. Most people aren't gonna see you as "special" because they know you. To my remaining friends i'm just Komi. I can't be the superlegend to them. Maybe i can create fans else where. I know that and i accept it. Half of my people haven't even read my book chapters in my myspace group. But don't get me wrong i'm not mad about it. I understand it is kind of a burden to ask them to do all this reading if i know it's not their cup of tea, no offense.
I gave up the ownership of BattleBrawl to George. I still have some creative say so, but I'm not the boss anymore. I think that i need to make myself succeed first. I keep trying to drag people along and making promises i can't keep. So i decided to go ahead and give it over. The success depends on them from now on. I am gonna work on my book, and making dvd;s and basically i'm like "let me know when there is a practice or whatever". I plan on still being a major part of the show, but not as a boss, just a performer. I missed my first practice this past weekend, and it was kind of weird. I got stuck out in randallstown, so i couldn't come. It felt weird because i don't think that there has been a practice i wasn't at. Ever.
I was having withdrawal ear;ier for a second, thinking about all these things getting left behind. Especially the whole James thing. He was my best friend for years. But after a point i had to realize that it just can't work. The thing i noticed with charles is that he has his opinions. and i normally disagree with him too. But he just chalks it up to whatever, and basically realizes i'm not gonna change my opinion, at least not right away. And he just smirks and kinda says, whatever. That's what i need right now.
For the first time, i'm not really in any type of "responsibility" to anyone. No Capsani, No circle of friends to please, No BattleBrawl commitments. No Glen Committment. He's moving in november and i'm moving in september hopefully. I'm in school, and working too. And i will hope that i can get a car in march. I'm thinking about the police auction. But it's not in stone yet.
I'm getting closer to Matt lately. At first i was surprised he still talked to me. But i underestimated him. Between him and charles, it made me realize something.
They really care. I haven't had to change anything for their approval. Whether i date bootz or not, I know they are gonna be there and all that. Charles has EVERY reason to hate my guts. I openly admit i havent treated him fairly at all. I apologized to him a dozen times. By all accounts, he should not have forgiven me. But the fact that he did made me feel really grateful for having him in my life. I took it for granted.
I remember the word unconditional love. And it made me feel really good. No matter how much i'm alone, i Know that Terrence, Matt, Charles, Steven and Oden always are there. They even hit me up if they don't hear from me, and they are geniunely worried about my weel being. I couldn't be more grateful. I haven't always been there for matt, and especially not charles. And it takes a lot for them to deal with me. But i feel comfortable with them because i know i finally have that benefit of the doubt from them. Even mad, i know they will be there for me, and want to talk things out. Even when they think i'm being stupid and everything. And sometimes i honestly am.
But like i said earlier, the thing i need most is carefree friends. I admit, i'm not a very dependable person at times. Honestly, the reason that i flake sometimes, or leave a deal or don't get something accomplished is because I get insecure. "Am i just gonna piss them off? I should just stay home. Am i talented enough to take this route? Probably not. Can i meet this person today? No, cuz i'm not proprerly shaven and i am having a fat day."
All of these reasons are the reasons i stand people up. I hadn't said anything but since he probably can't read it anyway.... The reason i stopped hanging with James was because i feel like i was slowly annoying him. It reminded me of glen. I need encouragement a lot. But i only accept the input of those close to me. Otherwise my perfectionist side takes over. And unless someone makes me feel kinda wanted, then i don't respond. I didn't want to go back to being constantly bitching after all. And what ended up happening was i noticed my words being turned this way and that, and i pulled a Sting. I disappeared and let people who know me figure it all out.
Even though i had been hanging out by myself for like a month, it bothered me that they started blaming junior. Blame me. Junior wasn't even there when i was getting pissed. When i made my decision to not hang out. If i didn't hang, it was becasue of ME consciously deciding not to hang with you. I hate seeing him be a scapegoat.
Some people were like "where you been?" Some were like "Well, he needs to come find me." Some didn't care at all. So i stayed alone. I cleared my head. I decided for the first time in like a month to hang with the group. As soon as i walked up, terrence was like "ugh you are gaining weight". Love terrence to death but i know he's not always the most tactful person. Then Keith came at me with all that stuff. And it drove me further away. And i'm not gonna re-explain that again. I don't really expect people to understand that part of me. I feel like my personal life is mine to share and ask what i should do. I don't believe that anyone has the right to stuff what they believe about something im my personal life that i did not share with them. If I hear tha Matt started dating Lance Bass, that doesn't give me a right to go to him and say "I heard you were dating him, and here's why i think you shouldn't."
And i let my business go to george. I'm not gonna be Bongo. If i ain't the business mind to do it, let someone who knows business do it.
So everything's changing. And i miss a lot of stuff, and a lot of people. I miss the days at the harbor and all that. But i know that isn't me anymore. Which reminds me i gotta return one more dvd to james.
I haven't looked at his journal at all since all this happened. For all i know, he might have them blocked from me. But knowing him, i don't think i would want to anyway. I know there is plenty of name slinging in there probably. But no matter. If anything i have learned that somethings in life aren't mine to control. I couldn't save it no matter what i did. As mr. smith said, it was a matter of inevitability. I hate it. But I have to accept it.
As far as the love life, so far me and junior hit the one month period. I told him i needed four to six months to call him official. So my page still says single. I'm not gonna jump into now. I wanted to move with him but i realize that i can't do that, for reasons i won't disclose here. But basically it boils down to the fact that i want to take things slow. I would rather deal with glen at his worst and not fuck up a possible future with Junior than to make the same mistake twice.
Anyway, that's all for my pointless rambling. If you read this far? Bravo! I appreciate you caring for me enough to read all this. I didn't even send a YIM out! thanx. Comment if you want to!
To summarize?
I'm sorry to those i hurt. I'm far from perfect, but i'm trying harder than ever.
Thanx again charles.
Much love for the KKCD you know who you are!
I really hope the house of divinci solves their problems.
We always worried about the who did what and why, instead of forgetting the details and focusing on the whole big picture.
And that's as real as it gets.
PERIOD!!!
- Mood:
peaceful
"Tell your little nikka to calm his nerves because he gets sent back to New York on a one-way flight. He has no idea what he's getting himself into.
My cousin JUST got bailed out... and I ain't for wasting too much time on little bois like him."
Three hours later (keep in mind i was at work the whole time)....
"I had wrote you a message basically telling you to tell ya friend to calm his nerves. Thinking about it, I've changed my mind. I know now there is no chance of us being friends and getting along as long as yall are talking. I just don't like his fake trade fag ass. And I hate clowns, and he's a clown. So out of respect for you... I'm letting you two, do you two. Its silly and its annoying. So f*ck it. Enjoy ya time. With him. Apparently he loves you, and I guess that's what you wanted.
Take care "
My Response to this nonsense:
"Wow, i'm really surprised about that. lol I just found out about the whole thing, and before i can say or do anything i found out my so called best friend is telling me i'm cut off. Wow, nice to be considered. Thanx for the memories james. It's nice to know that i can be cut off with out so much as even a discussion or anything. I hop on the space and found out that without even talkin to me about anything i can so easily just be cut. I feel real special. Well thanx for making decisions for me. Peace, homeboy. As many of your boyfriends i didn't like and stuff like that, i never thought who we dated had anything to do with us being friends. I didn't like Patrick at first, I never liked keon, or elvie, or cj. lol Keith was okay. But in none of those situations did that have anything to do with you. I'm surprised to hear that you don't wanna be my friend because you don't like the person i'm conversing with.
And i didn't even get a say in the matter.
I'm not even gonna comment on how I feel about it, because you made this decision already, didn't you? Well if you can walk out of my life without so much as even telling me anything about y'all two's comments, then I guess i have no choice but to accept it. But just remember i didn't choose junior over you. You decided to bow out. I didn't choose anything. You dumped me. Nice. I now see how you must feel that someone else's argument with you can make you not want to be MY friend. All this time all it took was any random person to come along and you dump me as a friend altogether?
And by the way, for those who weren't paying attention.....I hung out alone before i even met junior. Evidently people forgot that i would hang out alone and go swimming and dissappear for weeks b4 i met junior. But what does it matter what i say?
I said I'm single. I said that i have no "beef" with Keith. I said all i was mad at was that he didn't mind his business. I said that the "double standard" was how i gotta shut up but apparently no one else does.
If you hear nothing else i say, Please take note. If i disappear, it ain't because of junior. If i'm not around, and you want to know why, you can feel free to ask me, instead of hinting at me "standing you up" or some other such nonsense.
Just know, I don't "hang" with them, (or as you see it, I "look down" at them) is because of them.
I'm gone for weeks because some of them get on my nerves and i was happier by myself than with some of the group. The first time in forever that i actually hang out with them was last sunday, where keith decides to get his dick off by telling me i'm rushing (according to what he HEARD and nothing i invited him to).
Junior is not the reason i don't be around. Shyt like this is why. I'm tired of people demonizing me when i'm sitting here doing nothing. Keith probably doesn't even know about how i feel. And everyone was all like "Poor Keith, evil Komi". How am i being so mean to him that he doesn't even know. Makes no sense. I had nothing to do with you and junior's convo. But yet i got cut. Fine. Bye."
I would invite people to comment, but i already know they will.
And i'm really trying, even though it seems like i am not. I remember how i was when i first came out like i guess 2002 or 3 and up until now. I was the militant one. The world was gonna hear everything i had to put in whether they liked it or not. It made me a lot of enemies. I decided the first time to shut up. I got tired of being either silenced or something like that. And I used to think of myself as a tragic hero. The Dark Knight kind, stuck in between dying a hero or living long enough to be the villain. But then i slowly but surely learned some things from experiences.
I learned to give up my grip on this world. Let it revolve without me. I'm not that important a guy. I'm not that vital. The world went on without me for thousands of years before i was even born. Basically i learned that this world didn't NEED me at all.
It cut me to my very soul one day when i had this "moment of clarity". I then went thru a phase where i let the world run me instead. I enrolled in school. I decided to listen to whatever glen said at home. I tried to do things the way they were supposed to be. I tried to relax and just find out how normal people did things and just go with the flow of things. My dress started to change. My attitude started to change. I started to just let everyone else just tell me how it was supposed to go.
And i was fucking miserable. So then what?
I decided that i would deal with people as little as i possibly could. I was so tired of being the square peg in a round hole. I started creating my own interests. I found things that made me happy and i started doing them more and more by myself. I felt like i had maybe found some sort of middle ground.
Naturally, this created some rifts. Glen barely can stand me. Nobody ever knows where i am, because i refuse to tell people where i am, and i don't like having a phone. Even in my job of teaching, i started to drift. I slid to a weird place. But in my own way i enjoyed it.
Then I met this dude named Junior. Cirrently, i have not committed to anyone. Him or glen. I have fun with him, and he is a very positive person. But i also hate the fact that the friends are his God sometimes. I wish i had some real alone time with him. And glen finally took a step back from the pedestal and admitted to me that he still wants things to work out.
And i am still not committed to anything at all.
Now i'm very very antisocial. And this time, i kind of like it. I like my own little world i call my life. Maybe that was the attraction to junior, since i know that pretty much nothing is serious. (Dark Knight note: Why so serious?) He enjoys his life. I like that. I feel peace with him, even if i know it's nothing that is gonna lead to me and him being long term. I can pop in and out at will, and just relax and enjoy.
With Glen, it's the total opposite. Glen is the business. I know he will keep a job, i know he will help get bills paid. I know that we can actually have serious discussions. I know that when push comes to shove he is a stability. I know how things are gonna roll. I feel a certain safety with him that i don't get anywhere else in the gay life.
I was thinking about moving right now. And i was gonna move with Junior. But i know that i want stability at home. And there are too many risks with moving with Junior. So i still stay with glen.
Now about this past weekend. I hung out with the extended gang for the first time in a while. And when i get there Keith decides it's time to tell Komi about himself. He goes on and on about what he thinks i should do in my "relationship" with junior. Keep in mind that at heart i decided already that i'm not moving. But i don't appreciate anyone stepping into my box uninvited. Especially when i never told you in the first place. I am sorting things out on my own, with the advice from my chosen council.
Well, my chosen council decides that it is wrong for me to be angered with Keith. I'm cool because i am a mature person who can disagree with people and not just be holding a grudge. But in my humble opinion, and not with animosity, i would like to tell him (and i might do it personally) that i didn't ask him for his opinion. In the words of terrence when i used to try to tell him what to do with his life: Go kick rocks.
Am i saying he is right or wrong? Neither. I'm saying mind your own damn business. Was i pissed about it? Yes i was. As much stress as it caused me to learn to shut up when my grating voice was not wanted, I feel that i want that same courtesy and respect. My private life is not community watercooler fodder unless i say so first. I don't need an editorial from anyone on anything in my box unless you are a part of the chosen council.
But what if keith's right? Well tell him to share it with someone who cares. Leave Britney alone. And i know someone will probably be tempted to comment to this and tell me what they think about things. And unless you are part of the chosen council, then please do me a favor and shut the fuck up.
I no longer comment on things. I don't tell terrence about his relationships anymore. I didn't comment when everyone had their little thing with Kurt on facebook. If i remember correctly, i didn't have one sentence in that whole forum from the time it started. I minded my own. I didn't say anything about charles' situations even when he asked me to. I tell him that i am minding my business. I have said nothing about terran, nothing about the house of divinci, nothing about anything i wasn't asked for a comment on. Long story short, i feel like if they want to know what i feel, they will ask me. You all can do the same or kiss my ass. My life is not important enough for people to comment on. I'm anti for a reason. Anti means i don't want you in the inner circle. Anti means only few have access to the classified files.
If i want you to know i will discuss it with you. Not in public, one on one. If i want it to be community property, then i will tell you so. I will put it out there. My page still says single. All of them. And every one acts like i'm married to junior. If you were really "in the know" you would already know that i don't take it that seriously. Saying stuff like he's my man is actually proving that you don't know shit about the situation at all. The whole nature of our relationship is that it isn't that serious. The problems i have with him are actually my fault. I was upset because he ditched me one day. but i should have realized then that DUH it ain't that serious. That's why i got over it so quickly. We enjoy each other's company, but like joker said. Why so Serious?
Hakuna Matata, no harm no foul. All better? I am!
And that's......The end! lol
- Mood: peaceful
I finally got a company interested in publishing my book, i'm currently a student with ccbc and have a decent paying full time job with civic works, and will be a sub teacher in the fall. I am that close to finishing up my website videos, and I got my learners permit. I also got my fronts, some new clothes, and a new style of haircut to play around with.
I got mad at *boop* and at *peep* earlier this week, and normally i would be mad and normally i would hold a grudge, but i don't feel like it this time. I just know not to talk so much. But other than that, i'm totally jedi. It feels good to be accomplishing finally.
I got a new style, a new swagger. At least that's what i thought at first. Then i realized that this feeling was familiar. This how i felt back when i had my first apartment. And that was the hapiest time of my life. I love that feeling right before you are heading towards greatness. That's the best time. That day b4 christmas time.
I'm happy as shit. That's all.
May the force be with me!
*peep*,
I just want to apologize to you for telling you that I didn't want to hear about your day last night. I thought about it like almost all nite and it was the wrong way to respond. I want you to know that I am very happy that you may have found someone that you connected with on that level. He is definately a lucky guy because you are an amazing man and a hell of a catch. I just wish you would have been truthful with me about things instead of telling me that you are attracted to me but want to just be friends because you wouldn't make a good boyfriend because now that this happened it made me feel like everything that you said in the car the other night was meaningless and was just a line that you fed me so that my feelings wouldn't get hurt. Maybe it was, which is fine...I am not mad at you, I don't hate you or anything like that, I just was a little dissappointed that's all. You are still one of my closest friends and I still care about you and really do want you to be happy. So again, I apologize for being a bitch...I really didn't mean to come across that way and I hope you don't hate me for it.
*bleep*
My response:
I'm really really pissed at you right now. First of all i didn't even meet him till this past sunday. And second of all I didn't even hang out with him till yesterday. But the thing that makes me really angry is the fact that you make it seem like i lied to you.
I HATE when people call me a liar. I would not waste my breath saying stuff just to "play nice". I already went thru this with *boop*. Now i'm really feeling like i don't want to deal with people in general. I'm so sick of people trying to say i'm dishonest and shit like that. I don't Bullshit people. Straight up.
If i didn't like you, i would have told you like everyone else i have told. I think you are a great person. But that doesn't make you right for me. *ding* is a great person. But i would not date him, either. Same goes for *ping*. But in your case i liked you. A lot. And first i had to deal with that *beep* nonsense. Then i had to deal with that damn *doot*. Now you have a problem with me too? Wow.
I'm not ready to be anybody's boyfriend yet. Not even *pong*. But those things come with time. Yes i enjoyed his company. Yes, i would like to talk to him IN THE FUTURE. And i felt the same way about you. But now i need to rethink things.
I had ONE good day. ONE. No sex was involved, just hanging out. I did more with YOU than I did with him. But now i'm definitely cross you off. I figured that at least somewhen, I would be away from *doot* and maybe start going from there. But how could i have that thought with anyone that thinks i'm a liar. Up until i got that letter *bleep* N *peep* was a possibility for once i got my life straight.
But now i see that at least *pong* understood that Now is not the time, and he was willing to wait and see. As angry as i am i am mostly just hurt. I thought you were different than that. I thought you and me had an understanding. Friends now, see what happens later. But i guess i was the only one feeling that way.
Thanx. I needed just one more person to misunderstand, Judge, and condemn me. I appreciate it.
I really should be used to this shit by now. ARRRRRGGGHHH!!
I'm blacking the fuck out....after i go get my fronts today....and that shit is just real.
In my other friends, there are some that drain me. I'm tired of hearing about yet another one you are in love with for this week, I'm tired of big dramatic personality tests and brutal truths, and "what i need to change in my life" quizzes. I'm tired of boo week and dove week, and probation periods, and "just talking" and sexationships and self-torturing christians and apes and eeyore and everything else.
And i have been spending a lot of time between James, Matt and Steven. My three buddies i hang closest with right now, is mainly because of the relaxation i get there. It reminds me of why they are my friends. I feel at home, I love them to death. I can relax. I like to think we light up each other's day.
I also have been developing a love of swimming, it's so carefree and i think that's what i need in my life right now. I work, and school, and am putting a website together, and dvd, and writing my books. Not that i'm complaining. I'm actually happier for all this stuff. I know i'm accomplishing stuff, which i havent felt in a long while. And i had a dream idea for another book. I'm gonna write it down.
But the focus of this is, I really want to be in love. But it's kinda hard right now, till i move, and also i gotta think about the fact that i'm not feeling very empathetic right now. I'm really in a place where if it causes me stress it's cut. And i guess i need a summer romance at least to fill the void. Anyway, i was just checkin in, so holla at me.
And that's just real! YEAHHHH BOYYYYYY
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR,. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA<A
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
shit fuck cock piss rage anger hubs.,m dfv.v dlfsknm laiehbfrlaknmsbfrlkjaeblfsort paon slut whore assholl bitch ass nigga slimy grimy faggot Useless worthless selfish don't give a shit fast ass greasy grimy troll.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraa
I HATE.....WHAT?
I LOVE.....WHAT?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM FOR HOURS!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJj
Scorpio and Cancer
As a water sign you tend toward emotional intensity and psychic perceptions. You are acutely aware of the undercurrents of your environment and are able to detect the moods of the people around your with your probing mind.
Cancer is also a water sign who expresses feelings and moods with greater unpredictability than you. You both tend to hold in your feelings, but for different reasons. Yours are so powerful that you often tone down their intensity so as not to scare others. Your Cancer lover, however, is often quiet because they are worried that if they shared their feelings, others wouldn't love them. For them, it is an issue of building enough trust so they feel secure with verbalizing emotions.
Crabs can hide behind a hard outer shell to help them with issues of insecurity. Your partner's soft, caring and nurturing character coaxes you out of the hidden corners of your own suppressed emotions. Meanwhile, you strengthen their intuitive hunches and teach them to have courage enough to stand up for what need.
Your lover can be highly expressive sexually, but may be more hesitant than you, needs tender encouragement and care along the way. Still, Crabs are able to receive and reflect the power of your physical urges, even if they seem more fragile. If the two of you choose to create a household together, it will be full of powerful emotions, yet it can ultimately turn into a quiet nurturing and private space, separate from the busy outside world.
Scorpio and Capricorn
Privacy and self-preservation play a significant role in your life. You aren't inclined to casually blurt out feelings or opinions when in the company of groups, new friends, or professional settings. However intense and passionate your feelings, you keep your thoughts to yourself-revealing little of your internal life until you fully trust the people around you.
Capricorns display similar behavior, although for different reasons. They, too, portray a cautious and reserved demeanor, holding their feelings in deep reserve, but for the Goat, it is about doing what is right. Sharing feelings in many situations is just inappropriate for them.
For you, it's more about trust. No matter what the motivation, when paired with a Capricorn, you each respect one another's personal space, allowing room for process, restoration and rejuvenation. You might find the Capricorn too dry and lacking of emotion. But don't let that cool exterior fool you. Capricorn learns the steps and then can dance with total abandon. As you teach your lover how to explore the depths of feelings, he or she will follow your lead.
Capricorns are very special love mates, preferring to display affection and sensuality within the confines of their own seclusion. There can be great chemistry between you two, and the sex can register quite high on the Richter scale. If you are both willing to trust the open channels of communication, this can be a lasting and loving union.
Scorpio and Aries
You project yourself with willpower and sheer passion. Your deep emotional intensity can help you achieve almost anything you seek to accomplish. You have the ability to draw upon hidden sources of power to attain your ends.
Your Aries partner is aggressive and hard driving, motivated by a strong need for excitement and independence. Both signs are ruled by the planet Mars, the Greek god of war, and are therefore endowed with personal willpower and courage. You can endure intense emotions by holding them inward and transforming them from the inside out. Your lover, on the other hand, has a shorter fuse and tends toward outbursts and sudden fits of impatience. Compared to your pensive and sometimes sullen personality, he or she is quicker to forgive and forget than you are.
Aries' short temper and your resentful and sometimes unforgiving personality mix like oil and water. In conflict or competition, your partner can win in the opening rounds, but cannot sustain a position against you, who will win in the long run.
Of course, if this energy is converted to sexual interactions, the power unleashed can rock both your worlds. Additionally, you won't feel so overwhelmed by the heat of your impulsive Aries mate. If the two of you can move toward a higher consciousness and get beyond the personality traps of your individual signs, you'll have a chance to create a long-lasting relationship full of powerful love and passion.
Scorpio and Gemini (I already have a feeling about this one...)
You love to solve mysteries and delve deeply into the affairs of others, sometimes even without their knowledge. You are a natural detective who enjoys unraveling a puzzling situation, which is partly why you are drawn toward suspense and powerful emotional drama.
The keen intellect and sharp wit of your Gemini partner appreciates these qualities in you and may actually enjoy sharing ideas and debating issues with you, but they are no match for your intensity. In fact, you just may scare the heck out of them. While Gemini is attracted to the display of fireworks, you are more concerned with what is fueling the volcano. You just may be too serious for Gemini.
Your clever Gemini may have a half-passionate, half-intellectual approach to affairs of the heart-creating a romantic interlude that includes discussions about the unknown mysteries of life. The biggest obstacle that you'll need to overcome is that your Gemini mate is flighty and casually flirtatious, which will stir up your issues of jealousy and possessiveness. You will each have some adjustments to make in order to create a harmonious relationship with each another.
Just for kicks...
Scorpio vs. Scorpio (could i get along with myself?)
You are interested in all the untold secrets and mysteries of the universe, especially those involving transformation and change. You tend to be complex as you seek to merge the physical and spiritual realms.
You can either be extremely honest and honorable or revengeful, judging, and manipulative. For you, there is rarely a middle ground. You are in or out. You are hot or cold. When your meet another Scorpio, it is possible you will immediately dislike each other at first. Powerful passions and fears come to the surface, bringing up issues and intimacy and control. You can be powerful mirrors to each other and you may not like seeing yourself so closely.
There can be strong magnetism and attraction, but as you see yourself from a different viewpoint, you may be astounded at how intense you are. At times, the intensity may be so great that you will feel a need to get away from your partner, which is healthy and advised. As two strong water signs, you'll be able to go very deep together, but may need the fresh air of new experiences and people.
You'll each need to learn how to get past petty jealousies and let go of the little arguments that come your way. Try to bring humor into your relationship.
In the best case, you see each other as intense allies and teachers. Because of the physical and emotional intensity, strong sexuality issues can manifest and you will each need courage and trust to push through whatever surfaces.
The BIG ONE: Scorpio and Taurus (can you say deja vu?)
You are passionate and sincere when it comes to relationships and sexuality. You need intensity and take pleasure in adorning your mate with affection and attention. If, however, you feel double-crossed, insulted or otherwise emotionally wounded, it may take a couple of lifetimes for you to forgive your lover.
In Taurus, you find someone who is trustworthy and has basic and simple needs. Your Taurus mate is secure, sensual and steadfast in relationships. Occupying the opposite zone of the zodiacal wheel, your Bull loves to be on the receiving end of your intense passions.
The two of you will indulge each other, spoiling one another and thoroughly enjoying the experience, as long as you maintain your status quo regarding relationship needs and wants. This is a delicate balance, for trouble can quickly brew if you two fixed signs have power struggles over dominance. You each make a worthy adversary if it comes to that, and an emotional meltdown between the two of you would not be a pretty picture.
Other problems may arise if you feel too restrained by the down-to-earth simplicity of your Taurus partner. The good news is that together, the two of you will have a strong flair for romantic evenings, candle-lit dinners, and gift giving. The trick will be how to maintain balance and if you can do this, it can be very satisfying and rewarding for both of you.
Scorpio!
The Scorpion is one intense little creature, with enough poison in its own tail to disable or kill a much larger opponent. But the problem with this kind of built-in biological weaponry is that it must be mastered in order to be used most effectively. You Scorpios can use your "stinger" for self-defense, using your powerful emotional awareness to render your opponent harmless. But there is a sexual component of poisonous tail also, and until you learn to control those strong urges, you may find yourself in uncomfortable situations.
Scorpio is the only sign that has three animal totems. First, there is the well-known Scorpion with its active tail. Second, as the Scorpio learns to master its passion and hold its instincts at bay, it changes into the Eagle. The Eagle has more perspective, for it flies high above the surface of circumstances, swooping down with its power only to kill prey for food. In its third form, the Scorpion becomes the always-peaceful dove. (Dark Dove maybe?) The real meaning of Scorpio is thus shown. Scorpio is about metamorphosis. Scorpios transform the painful poisons of possessive passion into a higher consciousness based on universal love.
Your motto might be "What is hidden is more interesting than what is obvious." You are the detectives of the zodiac. Your magnetic personality draws others to you. But you can also be secretive yourself, for you learn early on that when you express everything, others may be scared by the power of your feelings. You desperately want to have someone to merge with your feelings, but can become cold and withdrawn when hurt in love. You have the magic to light up the dark, but sometimes you would benefit by looking at the positive side of things rather than going into the darkness at all. (Maybe Not...lol)
Greatest Strength:
Your passion about your feelings
Possible Weakness:
Need for secrecy can be isolating
I'm really tickled after reading Jamie's blog, it makes me happy to know i'm treasured as a friend! I don't think i'm "manipulative", but hey, I can take one bad for the many good things it said! So i'm cool with it.
I decided to do a couple compatibility tests of my own, and I admit, I'm a total bandwagon Hack. lol So sue me.
I'm not gonna mention the friends i was thinking of for the reason that i don't want people to know if they are in the friendship category, relationship category, or both.
Here We Go!
Taurus
Although you and the Bull are astrological opposites, you can always trust this pal to keep a secret. That's no small matter for a private person like you. True, Taurus may seem totally insensible to your emotions at times, while you pay little heed to their need for comfort. But you have to admit, the Bull does possess a great sense of humor and can help you laugh when you'd otherwise cry. On the other hand, your uncanny intuition can help Taurus from making unfortunate mistakes, particularly with regard to love. The two of you may enjoy strenuous physical activities like weight lifting or rowing. Alternately, coin or stamp collecting might appeal to your love of detective work and Taurus's fondness for hoarding. Cooking can also be a powerful bond between you.
(Memo to self. James trying weightlifting would sure as hell be entertaining to me! I'd PAY him to go to the gym with me! lol)
Sagittarius
Sagittarius is a fun-loving friend, but you're not always interested in having fun. Still, you can benefit from this sign's upbeat attitude, while they can learn much from your sober outlook. The Archer can open your mind to new ideas, experiences and people, while you can show your friend the dangers of being indiscriminate. In this way, your friendship is a win-win situation. Of course, your pal's legendary bluntness will put your nose out of joint on a regular basis. Meanwhile, your secretive behavior will drive curious Sagittarius out of their tree. These differences will seem relatively minor when engaged in your favorite activities, though. Fencing can prove lots of fun for you both. Mastering foreign languages could be another common interest. When all else fails, there's always karaoke!
Capricorn
You gain great comfort from Capricorn's stable influence, while your pal is inspired by your tremendous passion for life. When life becomes overwhelming, run to the Goat's side. Their practical advice will seem like an anchor in a storm. In turn, you can reignite Capricorn's inner spark whenever it becomes extinguished by worldly concerns. Both of you are very deep people and take a serious interest in things like art, politics and religion. When it comes time to blow off steam, you find refreshment in hiking, rock climbing and biking. Working on your respective family trees could also prove diverting. If you're searching for an artistic outlet, the two of you might try pottery or jewelry-making. This is one of those friendships where you can enjoy comfortable silences together.
Aries
This friendship is sure to emit sparks from time to time, which is probably why you enjoy it. Aries never shies away from an argument and you're always looking for a sparring partner. And no matter how greatly you differ on controversial matters like religion and politics, you do admire the Ram's inner fire. It's almost as powerful as your own passion for life. If you're going to maintain this friendship, you've got to remember that Aries rarely holds a grudge. If you have a tiff, your pal is likely to forget it an hour later. Resist the urge to harbor a grudge, or it could undermine your bond. Contact sports like football or rugby appeal to you both. Skeet shooting and target practice might also be of interest to you. When it comes to the arts, you would both make mean drummers or piano players.
(Memo to self: PIANO = FUN!)
Gemini
Upbeat Gemini's personality seems in direct contrast to yours. Perhaps that's why you enjoy this friend's company. You have to admit, this sign has a knack for chasing the blues away. Their eternal optimism and youthful spirit reminds you to look at the sunny side of life. Of course, your pal's constant chatter can irritate you, while Gemini is no fan of your moody silences. Still, you're both curious about life and like exploring mysteries together. Swapping mystery novels may be an integral part of your friendship. When it comes time to exercise, you might both enjoy vigorous activities like bike racing. Playing chess or backgammon could also prove engrossing. Writing historical fiction could be another fun way to collaborate.
Cancer
Making friends with a fellow water sign is as natural as breathing. You're especially fond of Cancer's affectionate nature and secretly love when your pal fixes you a big plate of spaghetti or giant mug of cocoa. In turn, the Crab appreciates your ability to intuit their feelings without saying a word. You'd never tease or torment this sensitive friend. Both of you love the water and probably enjoy sports like swimming, diving and boating. Scavenger hunts send you into paroxysms of ecstasy. When it comes to creative pursuits, you both love hands-on activities like gardening and baking. When all is said and done, however, even the most mundane chores seem like fun when you do them together.
Scorpio (the funhouse mirror, maybe?)
Having a fellow Scorpion as a friend is an exquisite blend of pleasure and pain. The pleasure comes from having someone understand your passion for life. The pain comes from an equal ability to plumb the depths of despair. Fortunately, you share a black sense of humor that helps you get through the tough times with wicked jokes and barbed remarks. You enjoy many of the same activities, including martial arts and deep- sea fishing. Reading mystery novels could become something of a mania for you both. Wood carving and metal engraving could appeal to your considerable artistic talents. Sure, the two of you will have your occasional blow-outs -- as Scorpions, it's inevitable. But eventually, you'll go swimming back into each other's orbits. Your mutual empathy is too powerful to resist.
PS....
This just in! I discovered something in the love section that made me not want to post THAT part! lol Don't worry it's nothing bad, but gave me useful info as to who i MAY target...lol Muhahahahah
Oh and by the way? That's AS REAL AS IT GETS!
I haven't posted on this thing in like forever. But I was feeling really good, so i decided to write a blog today. Cool? Cool.
I watched the movie Dogma today, which was actually pretty good. Alanis Morrisette as GOD was a little weird. I got a crush on Jay. Silent Bob was aiight. And though he is ugly in the face, Chris Rock has a surprisingly phat ass.
Anyway, I may finally be over the whole "Glen" Addiction. Anytime i can resist you even butt booty naked? I'm (as the gurls say) OVER IT! lol. I have been feeling much better as this job i work at thurgood is providing me with the opportunity to finally make a good reputation in the working class world. I have several letters of reccomendation, and i'm even being offered a position permanente starting september. Civic works, my parent company apparently thinks that my attendance isn't up to par, but i'm not worried about that, because i have a sign in log that shows my presence there every tuesday thursday and friday.
I am really wondering about what my love life will behold. I'm gonna go in depth with some thoughts running thru my mind. I will also let you in on a secret tho. I have changed one or two of the names for effect. I don't want them to happen to figure out how i feel about them. I like having the upper hand of a little mystery. Plus i want them all to begin with D. Cool? Aiight here we go.
1. Daquan. We have been back and forth since back when I lived at stevens. I don't know if i should date him, but we are having fun for now. We went out to the mall, and ran into terrence the other day, and he saw that DaQuan was wearing my chain (the one with the two male symbols, and gave a knowing "ooooh..." at me lol. He's cool, but i'm not entirely sure if i want to really connect with him on another level. When i first met him, he would agitate me with his need to have his way. But it seems that he has calmed down a lot. He can still be a little bit paranoid tho, like with little things he would be like "She think she can get over on me", and stuff like that. He is SUPER skinny, and used to wear these tighty-whiteys over his flat ass. Boy, how he has grown. That was a nice bump in Daquan's backstage nowadays, and them boxers he wore flattered them even more. Somebody has been eating their wheaties.
2. Daniel. He may be my first white boy crush. He is really sexy (even though i like the pics where he had his long hair more) and used to go to high school with me. He was in 9th when i was in 12th. He was anorexically skinny then, and now has filled out, but in a really good way. His affection for women's heels worried me a lil tho. But he probably is a wild child.I wish i could talk to him more, but for the mean time, I have not been able to catch him online. I miss him. He is really really sweet, and i wonder am i falling for him more than the others because of how UNlike glen he is? He really makes me feel like a million bucks. I am probably gonna rape his ass. But you can't rape the willing.
3. Daron. Yeah that's the made up one. Here's someone i knew for a while and we hadn't talked in a minute. So we hung out and chatted about somethings and i learned how much he grew in the time that we hadn't hung out. I felt like i did when i first met him. I wanna jump his bones, but i don't think we'd work in a relationship. I might even let him go where no man has succeeded before- to climb on top of mt. komisabe. That's all i'm sharing, cuz No one is gonna know who Daron is.
4. Greg. Okay, so they can't all be d's. Greg is very cool, and i was feeling him hot and heavy at first, but me being patient and low key about those i'm into (unless i just wanna fuck them; then everybody knows i like them) I took my time with it, and i saw a lot of dramam between his ex and him and I. It has made me much less interested in him, so he may soon be dropping off the list completely.
5. Derrick. Derrick is cool and has been a friend of mine for a long time. But he is semi-comfortable in his new relationship of the moment, so i'm gonna leave him alone. But something about him seriously cranks my gears. And even though i tend to not take his relationships seriously, I do think that i'm gonna see how things play out.
6. Darell. Darell is perfect for me. Caring, passionate, with a combination of sex appeal, and personality. But his youth may be a problem. I would constantly be second guessing myself as to whether or not i'm too old for him. It doesn't bother him, but it bothers me. Let's just say, if i were to indulge myself with him, I would go to jail. And i don't look good on Dateline. Ya know? We have SO much in common it's scary. I'm not planning ANYTHING but hanging out with him and driving myself insane.
7. Droopy. He never even heard of livejournal and never even would ever suspect that i crush on him. I like it that way.
On the bright side tho, having just got in a relationship, I'm not pressed to be with anyone like that yet. That gives me time to really hang out with people and see if I actually enjoy it. I plan to take my good old fashioned time enjoying and carefully selecting a mate. I'm really on the road to recovery from certain problems that grew out of my time with Glen. I slowly grow out and find myself again. I felt so lost and confused during that time.
But first i went briefly back to who i was. Baggy T, and all that. But that wasn't me anymore. I have evolved. Not saying that's a bad thing but it isn't Komi anymore. I re-connected with a few people that i had some former sexual tension with, but I found that it wasn't there like that anymore.
I have been more intense with my gym workouts, and if i can increase the frequency i will be getting somewhere! I decided to start over. A few really close friends. I don't hang with everyone i used to. I have a different style i'm growing into. I feel like i have been reborn one more time. I'm getting my life back. And when i get this new life, i will be reborn like the mighty phoenix. I'm busy living my life like it's Platinum, baby. Confidence is Very sexy.
And THAT's as real as it gets...
....KENNED- whoops. it's been a while....
...PERIOD!!!
Patrick B: Its getting old
Patrick B: Its getting old
Komisabe: What should i do? why should i try? All it will take is one false move and it's back to square one. If it were a video game, id expect that i'd at least get a check point.
Patrick B: Okay....
Patrick B: Komi you are the same to me as last week
Patrick B: To when I first met you
Patrick B: You will always be a friend
Komisabe: How is it that i fuck up one time and i'm all of a sudden down bottom again? I'm like cut ME some slack, is what this is all about.
Patrick B: But you need to stop with the drama with terrence.. James and me and who ever
Patrick B: Friends will always be there for you
Patrick B: Okay.. And I told you fine
Patrick B: Don't mean you be all done
Patrick B: Down*
Patrick B: It will be fine
Komisabe: You may feel that way. And i will admit that when you talk to me like this and not just insulting me like you did before, i'm willing to listen. Now you are talking to me like someone who is concerned, not like before when you talked to me.
Patrick B: Friends are friends for a reason
Patrick B: James still your friend
Patrick B: I a,
Patrick B: I a,
Patrick B: Im sure terrence is
Patrick B: Move on komi...
Patrick B: Let it go
Komisabe: I'm really really upset. I miss you guys a whole whole lot. But i AM scared. Scared to be that close again. It bothers me. I'm scared of falling back to square one again. Terrence hit me up persistently. He was the only reason that i even spoke to you today.
Patrick B: Its done and over with
Patrick B: But komi.. This is stupid
Patrick B: Move on from it
Komisabe: When someone hits me up with some compassion and concern, i'm willing to listen. James will NOT do that. He will NOT.
Patrick B is using an older version of Yahoo! Messenger and certain features may be unavailable. Click here to invite Patrick B to upgrade.
Komisabe: He just sent me a message. Wanna hear what my "friend" said?
Komisabe: King Prince: Been reading... I could pick apart everything you said because "I'm so smart" but you know what... you turned this into something that was small and done because you want attention. Your over dramatic and you don't even care to see it. I have other things to worry about so if you wanna be pissy about a fuckin vent journal that I had every right to write than that's on you. You never listen so I'm tired of trying. Good day.
Patrick B: Okay...
Patrick B: Then fix it
Komisabe: Does that sound like someone who really wants to patch things up? I didn't send him any insults. I didn't send him and smart comments. All i did was tell him to read the livejournal. And he didn't do it.
Patrick B: Then fix it
Komisabe: And you wonder why i don't feel like it is worth trying.
Patrick B: Stop bashing eberyone and just move on
Patrick B: Because that's james
Patrick B: If he makes you mad like that
Patrick B: Walk away from the pc.. Or lay the phone down and just agree
Patrick B: Its his way of venting
Komisabe: How much slack did he cut me? How much benefit of the doubt did he give me? He didn't say, "well komi is hurt". He didn't show any concern. Is that how a best friend talks?
Patrick B: Okay...
Patrick B: Don't worrie bout it
Patrick B: Let it pass
Patrick B: Komi everything will be fine
Patrick B: Like I said you are still my friend
Komisabe: And you ask me to give other people the benefit of the doubt. WHY? If that's what i'm getting. Tell me that isn't SHytting on my gold star
Patrick B: Okay damn komclam the hell down
Komisabe: I'm gonna get off of here now. I don't think i'm gonna be around for a while. It's probably just me being over dramatic. I'm not angry anymore. I'm depressed. I'm not even worth the time to him. What should i do? I'm being humble. I'm not TELLING anybody anything. I am just asking questions. WHAT should i do? How do you care for someone who doesn't give a shyt about you?
Patrick B: Look komi
Patrick B: I have an idea
Patrick B: I have a meeting at the glccb this friday
Patrick B: I have a meeting at the glccb this friday
Komisabe: I could sit here and argue that i did what most people who don't want attntion do, and shut theirself off from the world but....anyway, he ain't interested in what i have to say.
Komisabe: I'm listening
Patrick B: At 2 pm
Patrick B: What are you doing?
Komisabe: I don't know. I really don't.
Komisabe: But if it is your counseling session, then i don't want to interfere.
Patrick B: No....
Patrick B: I was saying maybe meet up friday and talk some more bout this
Patrick B: We both go to the glccb
Patrick B: And im going to have my little counsaling session
Patrick B: And you can be on the computer or something
Patrick B: Let the dust settle for now
Patrick B: Okay?
Komisabe: Okay, i'm cool with that. But let's just talk about what i can do to become better. I'm open to advice. But i don't want to talk about james. If he doesn't care, then how can any amount of talking do anything.
Patrick B: Okay
Patrick B: Like I said let the dust settle
Patrick B: Trust me
Patrick B: Everything will be okay its not the end
Komisabe: Aiight. I will. But I really want to put this up on livejournal too. I want the truth to be told so no more he said she said happens.
Patrick B: Ok
Patrick B: Do what you think is right
Patrick B: Make sure you think befor you act....
Komisabe: Thanx patrick, you have helped me a lot. I would say tell terrence too, but i'm thinking i better do it in person.
Patrick B: Could.make matters worse
Komisabe: I don't know what to do. But i don't want anybody thinking anything else rediculous like "Patrick was calling komi the devil" or "Komi and patrick were talkin bout james". I'd rather take heat for what's real rather than what's not. You know?
Patrick B: Yea...
Patrick B: Trust me.. It will be fine
Patrick B: Trust me.. It will be fine
Komisabe: Thanx man. I will talk to you later, aiight, i'm gonna get some food.
Patrick B: Okay..
Patrick B: Komi
Komisabe: yes
Patrick B: This all needs to end
Komisabe: What needs to end.
Patrick B: Its not worth having a pissing contest on who right and who's wrong and who is this and that
Komisabe: I don't care. Neither does he. The End. Isn't that what you wanted? Everyone is more truthful, right?
Komisabe: By the way did you tell him about the other people you slept with?
Patrick B: Yes I did... and I was honest with him
Komisabe: Good for you.
Patrick B: I told him everything
Komisabe: Good. And i hear you punched him too.
Patrick B: Okay
Komisabe: If i cared about all the stuff going on, I would have said "I told you so". That is, IF i cared.
Patrick B: What else did he say komi?
Komisabe: HE didn't tell me anything.
Patrick B: Hm
Komisabe: And i don't believe in talking to you about those things anymore. You have violated that right.
Patrick B: Just because you tell me about his people... and he fishes is outs knows that im hiding something makes me tell him.. Then you get mad...
Komisabe: You don't seem to get it. I'm tired of caring about those that don't care about me.
Komisabe: That includes you.
Komisabe: I'm so sick of people not taking what is said for what is said.
Komisabe: If it is something you know, and know you are not supposed to know, then guess what? No one fishes it out of you.
Komisabe: You told me it was okay, remember? That he had told you already, and that he wouldn't care.
Patrick B: No... he told me about 4 of his exs
Komisabe: Then he comes after me with razorblades because now i'm all of a sudden the fuckin town gossip.
Patrick B: That's keon. Keith.quentin.steaven
Komisabe: Now i'm the devious person who is trying to SABOTAGE his relationship.
Komisabe: Do you know how that makes me feel?
Patrick B: Okay and I understand
Komisabe: Hell, i am not trying to sound arrogant, but HOW many times have i SAVED your relationship?
Patrick B: Okay yes you did help the relationship many of times
Patrick B: But sometimes james and I have to work things out
Komisabe: How many times have i told you about forcing shyt. And if you think i believe he "fished" it out of you, you don't know me very well.
Patrick B: Which brecks start to happen and space
Komisabe: I think..... that you behaved differently, and your actions started him questioning. Because both of you think your sooooo smart.
Patrick B: Oh please
Patrick B: You have no clue
Komisabe: Good. I don't want to.
Patrick B: James did fish it out of me thank you
Komisabe: I'm done with the james-patrick connection.
Patrick B: As of matter of fact I was not going to tell him
Komisabe: I don't fucking care.
Patrick B: Cause you don't fuckoing care bouit nothing
Komisabe: True friends should be forgiven by default, not attacked.
Patrick B: All it is to you is komi komi komi
Komisabe: Exactly. I don't care about any of it anymore.
Patrick B: Why don't you shut up for once and lisen
Patrick B: Shut up!
Komisabe: You Shut the fuck up and listen to me for once. Not hear me, LISTEN.
Komisabe: Or don't bother talking to me at all.
Komisabe: When i'm done you can talk.
Komisabe: But first i need to vent BADLY>
Patrick B: See you interupting
Patrick B: And that's one of james and proble,s
Patrick B: We don't allow each other voices to be reconized
Komisabe: Are you going to SHUT UP for five minutes and wait your turn or not?
Patrick B: So you hush
Patrick B: Im not in no damn pre k
Patrick B: I am not a child
Komisabe: I already went thru this with james. I'm tired of hearing every one else's Point of view before i get heard. Either you are going to listen to me first or else Goodbye. Your choice.
Patrick B: You want to say what you got to say and you don't know what even happen
Komisabe: I am not talking about what happened between y'all. I said i need to vent.
Patrick B: Okay....
Patrick B: Go head
Patrick B: Im on my sidekick mind you
Patrick B: Im on my sidekick mind you
Komisabe: I don't care whether he punched you or you punched him. I don't care if you shoot each other thru the head. What i am talking about is how it's always me apologizing.
Patrick B: Ok
Komisabe: I tried to help terrence and what happened? He says go to hell. I tried to help James, and You, and Glen, And Sayvion, and Kurt, And the capsani house, and what happens? How MANY fuckin times do i gotta be the bad guy?
Patrick B: Komi... you are not super man.. Can help everyone
Patrick B: Cant*
Komisabe: I'm sick of you people. A real friend would forgive you before you even had a chance to say i'm sorry. Bottom line. If they all want to get mad at me, NEVER ask me why i do what i do, then fuck them. A real friend cares. I hope you all go to fucking hell. I sat here and swallowed 4 bottles of aspirins last week. 4 whole bottles. I didn't die. The average person can die on one bottle of pills. I don't need to help you people. But I want to. All i ask is that my friends don't take every little bad thing and make it bigger than alll the good i do. Is that so much to fuckin ask?
Patrick B: But komi one thing you need to relize is you can go nwalking around trying to be super man
Komisabe: And i realized that maybe i don't need anyone anymore ever. Maybe i need to stick to people who don't jump at the chance to demonize me. Everybody calls me Arrogant. If i am so arrogant, NAME one person i didn't set my pride aside for and apologize to if i hurt their feelings? Huh? NAME ONE!
Patrick B: I understand you try to do good you try to do what's best
Patrick B: And I unserstand that
Patrick B: But the best could actually be the worst
Komisabe: I'm sorry if i am one of those people who can't stand to see someone i care about suffering and let them suffer more! I am sorry for that.
Patrick B: But komi... maybe you need to try not to keep helping
Patrick B: I understand your attentions
Patrick B: But what happen the other week... should never happen in the first place
Komisabe: And i don't ask for thank you. All i ask is to be your friend. You don't have to worship me. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE APPRECIATED. And i'm tired of trifling folks who take it out on me because they rushed into a relationship with someone they knew 50 mins, or because them and their boyfriend weren't honest with each other, or because they pissed off the rest of the house by taking the house name. I am not a person who can sit by and watch you on fire without going to get some water.
Patrick B: You mean well
Patrick B: But from the jump off you could of said ask james bout it
Patrick B: And I would of...
Komisabe: Did you just read what i said patrick! I SHOULD NOT MATTER OR TAKE THE BLAME FOR YOU AND HIS LIES TO EACH OTHER!
Patrick B: Yes I just read it..
Patrick B: But you did not see what I typed befor this convo started
Komisabe: If it came because of me, because of an email, or wheter you saw it in a burning bush, I am not the problem. The problem is you two lied to each other. Am i the only one who sees that?
Patrick B: Im on my sidekick
Komisabe: Okay
Komisabe: Now you go ahead and talk
Patrick B: Komi....
Patrick B: Like I said I understand you want to help people and I understand some of the things you do is not right at that time... when you told me about cjay tyrone and some other dude.. You did not know my reactions... I could have went to james house and blew up on him and ended our relationship because of the secrects... but see I did not do that.. 8 held it in and held it in... james himself even told you he fished it out of me.. James and I have been honest with each other and straight forward... you could of said go to him and ask him.... I did not "set" you up or try to make your friendship all down...
Patrick B: James came to me and asked me what was up... I was not even going to to tlel him.. I told him I was not going to tell him cause he is just going to attack the person
Patrick B: So him and I argued over this... befor I even told him
Patrick B: Because I was not telling him
Patrick B: Sometimes komi you need to allow people correct themselves
Patrick B: Sometimes you need to step back and watch
Komisabe: I will from now on. FUCK EM ALL. Lone Wolf Komisabe. I hate Humans.
Patrick B: And if it gets to the point where there is fightin
Patrick B: Then you can add your two cents in
Patrick B: But don't get mad because james came to you
Patrick B: And don't go popin pills thinking you un stopple
Patrick B: That's fucking crazy
Komisabe: Trifling niggas always turning a peacemaker into a fucking martyr. I hope you get the chance like i did to know what it is like for NO one to care a shyt about you. And james did not come to me. Jamese a blog and i Came to him.
Patrick B: But you did not even know what the blog was referring to
Patrick B: It could of been bout me
Komisabe: I popped the pills because i was sick of not getting the love i'm seeking. But then i realized I don't need you people.
Patrick B: So get over that one
Patrick B: You think just because someone writes its about you
Patrick B: You need to get over that shit
Komisabe: He told me it was about me. Actually he told me to shut up and listen to him (even tho i already listened somewhat via the blog, i guess he had more to say).
Patrick B: That's your probelm you so thick headed
Komisabe: HE FUCKIN TOLD ME IT WAS BOUT ME
Patrick B: Maybe you need to save your own relationship
Komisabe: What relationship.
Patrick B: No he didn't... he told you after you asked him
Patrick B: He never came out and just said it was bout you
Komisabe: And if it wasn't bout me guess what? He would have said "No" right?
Patrick B: One min you are in love with glen
Komisabe: Then i would have been fine
Patrick B: The next yall fighting
Patrick B: Why don't you help your own
Patrick B: But see he is a honest person
Patrick B: Maybe you need to take that into consideration
Komisabe: I love Glen. He Doesn't love me. Well, at least not as much as him self. And i'm not trying to fix it. Thank you. I didn't ask for you opinion about Glen. You ask me mine about you and james.
Patrick B: Okay and good
Patrick B: Everyone has the right to there opinion
Patrick B: But you need to help yourself before helping other people
Patrick B: But you don't see that
Patrick B: Noooo its all about komi
Patrick B: Komi is taken pills
Patrick B: Komi is doing that
Patrick B: Komi is smashing his head into the wall
Patrick B: Komi gets mad and runs off
Patrick B: What about komi working on his relationship
Patrick B: ?????
Komisabe: I stick with glen because he is the only person who at least Kinda loves me. It's the best i have ever gotten. And i appreciate when people help me. In fact, I even thank them about it. Because that what friends do, you fool. Friends help friends. Friend DO NOT just sit around and let friends do bad shyt to themselves. That's what's wrong.
Patrick B: What about if komi left glen how much geln will feel bd
Patrick B: The boi loves you no dought
Patrick B: But you need to let things happen
Komisabe: Of all people, you should understand what it's like with someone who will put everything you said to the side because they think they know better.
Patrick B: Things happen for a reason
Patrick B: People grow and learn
Patrick B: Amd they learn together
Patrick B: But you are talking like you know everything and you don't komi
Komisabe: How can you sit here and call me selfish one second, then sit here and say a "help" too much the next?
Patrick B: I never said you was selfish
Patrick B: I mever said komi you are a selfish person
Komisabe: I am sitting here telling you that I expect my friends to offer advice. Not criticism. ADVICE. I do the same for them. I would not get mad if you told me something to help me. (And no, saying "this is wrong" is not advice. That's criticism).
Patrick B: Why don't you let james and patrick work there relationship
Komisabe: I will. Fuck your relationship, i don't care.
Patrick B: See that's your problem
Komisabe: How is that for KOMI KOMI KOMI. Komi don't care, isn't that what you wanted?
Patrick B: I never said that
Patrick B: Its okay to care... but its not okay to tell someones truth
Patrick B: You are not in a relationship with james
Patrick B: Like I said let james and patrick run their relationship
Patrick B: I found about the xtube
Komisabe: You want me to not be focused on me right? well do you see what happens when i focus on y'all? I become the "problem". All sins gotta gravitate to me. I said i don't care about whether or not y'all love each other, kill each other, rape maim infect each other. I don't care. You don't have to worry bout me saying shyt. EVER. There, ya happy?
Patrick B: And we taken care of that
Patrick B: We can take care of our own probelms
Patrick B: If we need help we will ask for it
Patrick B: If we need that water we will ask for it
Patrick B: You not lisening
Komisabe: Good for you. Nobody is ever getting helped by me again. That way, you can all burn. How am i not listening?
Patrick B: All it is is how komi feels
Patrick B: What about how james and I feel?
Komisabe: I used to care!
Patrick B: You need to respeact the relationship of any kind
Patrick B: You don't see stan running
Patrick B: You don't see terrence running
Patrick B: You can give advice
Patrick B: But in fixing james and i
Patrick B: That is only up to two people
Patrick B: And that is him and i
Patrick B: You can go emo and say you going to kill yourself all you want
Komisabe: I would not have tried as many times as i did to save you people if all i cared about was how I FEEL, you moron! I tried to help you people because i cared! IF ALL I CARED ABOUT WAS ME, WHY WOULD I GET ALL STRESSED ABOUT YOU AND HIS PROBLEMS! Stan doesn't give a shyt about you people!
Patrick B: Its not going to bother me
Patrick B: I hear it from allot of people now days
Patrick B: You keep going back to you people
Patrick B: Stfu bout you people
Patrick B: You are no fucking dd
Patrick B: Different*
Komisabe: Good. I don't expect anyone to care that's why i didn't bother telling anyone. I shouldn't have told you about me tryin to kill myself. That was a mistake.
Patrick B: No its not komi...
Patrick B: Because im always going to be here
Patrick B: But one thing you need to know is that people need to help themselves
Patrick B: Once in there life
Patrick B: I take your advice
Patrick B: And you can ask james this
Patrick B: I went to the glccb to talk to someone
Patrick B: Just like you told me to do.. They are a support group
Patrick B: And allot of people that work there are fond of you
Patrick B: They all like you
Patrick B: And you have friends here thatlike you also
Patrick B: James and I are not running away from you
Patrick B: We will always be here
Patrick B: And we will always care for you
Patrick B: But my hold point is.. Allow people to help themselves
Patrick B: James and I delt with many things with each othe
Patrick B: We can fix our faults
Patrick B: If we need advice we will ask
Komisabe: I am Different. That's the whole reason i don't fit in. Because i'm different. I don't sit around and bullshyt about what i'm gonna do to sayvions like everyone else. I don't sit here and blame the source of info for the fact that there ALREADY SHOULDN"T BE INFO THAT MY BF DOESN'T KNOW. I'm different like that. I'm different because I don't date people in other states unless they coming to move here. I'm not Like YOU people. I appreciate when people love me enough to offer advice to me. If they have a good heart i am normally willing to forgive them. I will do you all a favor and step out of your lives. Maybe it will give you all enough time to decide whether i care too much about you or i care too much about me.
Patrick B: We will come to you. Terrence. Stan. Steavn... we will do that
Komisabe: If i care about you, i am going to try to help you not walk off a cliff. If i don't, then to hell with you.
Patrick B: But sometimes you need to stop and just watch... we will ask for your input
Patrick B: We do care about you and you will always be my friend and james friend
Patrick B: But okay things happen
Patrick B: You james fault
Patrick B: You argued
Patrick B: Hell you argued with me
Patrick B: Do I feel any different from then till jow?
Patrick B: No
Patrick B: But do I still care bout you
Patrick B: Yes...
Patrick B: I still look at you as a friend komi
Komisabe: Don't come to me. I don't care ANY more. You people will solve your own lives right? We are all people who have all the answers right? we don't need help sometimes right? Nothing i can say or do will do anything be make me be "a nuisance". I will give you what all you people want, which is to be left alone.
Patrick B: Im sure and komi knows best
Patrick B: Komi is always right
Komisabe: How can you look at me as a friend when you told me you don't care if i kill myself? Thanx, friend. I can hang myself comfortably now that i know i'm not inconveniencing you with my death
Patrick B: And I thoguht I needed my counsalor?
Patrick B: I might ferer you to him
Patrick B: I never said I didn't care if you killed yourself
Patrick B: I said being emo is not going to bother me
Patrick B: And latly I hear many people going to kill themselves
Patrick B: Everything jas to be life or death with you
Komisabe: Komi is not ALWAYS right. The times i don't know for sure, i just don't say anything. If i take the time to open my mouth, it's because i see something. Check my fucking track record. Didn't i bet 1000 bucks that terrence would not graduate while still going with mark? Didn't i say you keep focing things with james it would escalate? Didn't i say Kevin was shady and would cause drama? Didn't i say that Bongo was shady long before everyone else? And as far as me saying i'm was trying to kill myself, I don't talk shyt i don't do. Ask Sayvion. I don't feel emo anymore. I feel angry, and very very very hurt. And i don't want anyone else that close enough to hurt me again.
Patrick B: A record
Patrick B: Ha!
Patrick B: There has been many times where I've been right
Patrick B: And many times I been wrong
Patrick B: That's why you LEARN
Patrick B: You think everyone is out to hurt poor old little komi
Patrick B: But all we trying to do is help
Komisabe: That is one point that i will agree with you on. I do take things very seriously. That isn't something that i can change yet. But you always can know what is on my mind. I try my best to work around it, by first letting youknow i'm bothered before i snap.
Patrick B: But you don't see that
Patrick B: We will always be here...
Patrick B: We are always here to talk to
Patrick B: My cell phone is on 24 hours a day 7 days a week
Patrick B: If you need to talk I am here
Komisabe: HOW are you helping me by saying this is wrong and that is wrong and offering no advice? Any old fool can destruct. Nobody wants to try and build. Read his blog. Tell me what he said positive. Tell me what is positive about
Patrick B: But my point is that you need to allow two people to correct the,selves
Patrick B: But komi you didn't know that it was about you till he told you
Patrick B: It could of been about me
Patrick B: Im sure there is many things in his journal bout me
Patrick B: But I don't care bout what he says because that helps him
Patrick B: He vents to that
Patrick B: I rather see him vent to that and be angry at that.. Then to yell and scream at me
Komisabe: What is positive about "I want new friends". He gave up on me. I didn't just be like "terrence, you are stupid for dating someone you only knew 50 minutes". I offered some positive by saying " I will pay you to do the right thing and go get ya schooling first". See that is what friends do. Advice. Not just idle criticism.
Patrick B: You need to look at things differently
Patrick B: Stop geeting things twisted
Patrick B: But see komi he was mad
Patrick B: People write out of anger
Patrick B: People do things out of anger
Patrick B: People say things out of anger
Patrick B: Everyone is not perfect
Patrick B: James cares bout you.. You are his best friend
Patrick B: And your mine
Patrick B: Yes you helped us on many occasions
Patrick B: But allow us to help each other from time to time
Komisabe: Well what about what i do out of anger? What makes you people always forgive each other? I say a lot out of anger too. And it get's held agains't me 4ever and ever. He said himself that all it takes is one bad and it fucks up everything i do good.
Patrick B: I know james... I know what he does. I know what he stoped doing for me and I see everything he does for me....
Patrick B: Im not stupid...
Patrick B: James and I know eaach other to a t
Patrick B: We know when something is wrong and we not the right actions
Patrick B: We may yell and scream at each other
Patrick B: Or sometimes even hi
Patrick B: Hit*
Patrick B: That is anger
Komisabe: I'm still considered a slut and i have been with one person since before i could legally drink. They still clingin on to 2003 like it's a fucking dick. Why don't people say "Well komi was just trying to help". You people always give each other benefit of the doubt. Where is my benefit of the doubt, huh?
Patrick B: And that's something that james and I have to grip on
Patrick B: There you go again
Komisabe: What?
Patrick B: Komi.. What don't you understand
Patrick B: Just because you fight one day
Komisabe: Oh, i'm sorry, am i thinking about me again? Am i too busy NOT helping other people again?
Patrick B: Don't mean we are not friends with you
Patrick B: You need to get over that
Patrick B: You are not listening
Komisabe: I didn't get any remorse or apology, or even a "can we make up"?. Tell me how i know that we are still friends. I'm trying to listen. I really am. But i'm also really hurt. Not that i'm gonna get any benefit of the doubt, mind you. So i will make sure i tell you. If i seem more ignorant than usual, chalk it up to Emotional trauma.
Patrick B: The point of this convo is
Patrick B: Because not everyone says sorry
Patrick B: Not everyone apologize
Patrick B: I told you james and I are still your friends
Patrick B: But allow him and I to work
Patrick B: This is james and patrick
Patrick B: Not james patrick steaven stand jurt komis keons mats relationship
Patrick B: This is james and ii
Patrick B: And we need to help each other
Patrick B: If we need some asistance one of us will ask
Patrick B: W james and I will never turn our back on you
Patrick B: And we do care allot about you
Patrick B: We will always be there nothing will change
Patrick B: But like james said
Patrick B: 10000000 good deeds is not goiong to correct that 1 bad deed
Patrick B: You learn and move on
Patrick B: So this is not james and I choice
Patrick B: We are not walking away from you
Patrick B: You are walking away from us
Patrick B: If you don't want to be in our lives then so be it
Patrick B: But you need to relize is thst we are not running away from you
Komisabe: Good. Let it be James and patrick. I already told you I am done caring. I am out of you people's hair. Enjoy it and celebrate. Party like it's 1999. Don't give me that "we care" bullshyt. Just do like you normally do and make me the bad guy. Go tell everyone that "We tried to make up with Evil Darth Komi and he was stubborn". I don't care. And be honest, neither do you. Don't admit it to me, admit it to yourselves.
Patrick B: Komi you think everyone is out to get you.. And we are not
Patrick B: We all do care bout you
Komisabe: I'm never opening up to people again ever. I don't think that I have ever helped anyone. I try and I failed. I failed as a best friend, as a human being period. I don't know shyt. You think komi has the answers? Komi is your cancer. Cut me out and let me dry up. Life is not worth it. I don't think you hate me, i think you don
Patrick B: If you were that much of a problem you been done gone
Patrick B: But we are still here
Patrick B: If you want to walk then fine
Patrick B: Over something so damn little
Patrick B: Over something that is OVER WITH
Patrick B: James is done with that
Patrick B: And so am i
Patrick B: Stop holding gruges and move the fuck on
Patrick B: Like I said we are here
Patrick B: We are not walking away from you
Komisabe: don't care anymore. And it IS my fault. And i'm no gonna be the dramatic person who goes around talking about the three times i tried to kill myself last week. I'm not going to. I'm not gonna put any super influence on myself. I am probably the worst person i know. James has not talked to me period. If he cared he would be having this convo. The only person who sought me out was terrence, ironically.
Patrick B: You are walking away from us
Patrick B: But you need to know is that it takes two to convo
Patrick B: James is so done with this shit its not even funny
Komisabe: Okay, then that's what we'll put down on paper..."Komi walked away from us". Yay. We had a text convo on yahoo, and it didn't change things. Wow.
Patrick B: Maybe you need to listen for a second
Patrick B: you try to help someoine or help others and you want a gold star because you did youe homework
Patrick B: WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU ARE NOT A CHILD
Patrick B: Woohoo yay komi
Patrick B: Komi gave advice
Patrick B: He tried to help
Patrick B: Good job komi
Patrick B: Good job sweet heart
Patrick B: Let me give you some candy
Patrick B: You want that?
Komisabe: I don't know who to hate more. Me or you people. You all can't understand that it no matter how much You people think it's komi komi komi, I get this depressed because you all ARE important to me. And maybe if i got my star as a kid, i wouldn't want it now. But i don't look for thank you's. I look for Forgiveness. You don't get it. How condescending are you being? Because it ain't important to you it's not important. Now you wanna insult me, call me a child. Thanx, friend.
Patrick B: YOU KEEP SAYING YOU PEOPLE
Patrick B: ITS NOT YOU PEOPLE
Patrick B: YOU THINK THAT EVERYONE IS OT TO GET YOU
Patrick B: WE ARE OVER THIS FUCKING ISSUE
Patrick B: YOU ARE THE ONE FUCKING SITTING ON IT
Patrick B: AND DON'T EVEB KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Patrick B: YOU ARE NOT A FUCKOING CHILD
Patrick B: AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE TREATED AS ONE
Patrick B: IM NOT GOING TO REACH IN MY HAND BAG FOR A GOLD STAR
Komisabe: I could go thru all the drama i been thru. Fight club, rape, homeless, all this stuff. But does it matter? In your eyes, you can't understand that maybe that "gold star" is that important to me. Yes, call me a child, think it is stupid. But to me it means the world. And isn't that what it really means to be understanding?
Patrick B: OR SOME CANDY
Patrick B: SHIT I GOT KIDS I CAN DO THAT FOR
Patrick B: DRAC AND CARLIE
Patrick B: OH YAY1
Patrick B: Komi went thrw all this
Patrick B: Here comes the oscar
Patrick B: Stop it
Patrick B: You act like you are the only one
Patrick B: Im the that got malested when I was little
Komisabe: Don't reach in your bag for a fucking gold star. Because to YOU PEOPLE it ain't important. To me it is important. And if you insult me one more time, this convo WILL be over.
Patrick B: The one that switched home to home
Patrick B: Watch my mother leave me in my life 4 fucking times
Patrick B: Watch my father and his anger
Patrick B: Almost died twice
Patrick B: You need to get over that
Patrick B: You are not the only one that had a hard life
Patrick B: We all doid
Patrick B: And the what... LIFE
Komisabe: Did you not hear me say, "i COULD go thru all that". Everything you listed been there done that. You still don't know all the things that happened to me. But it's not a fuckin contest. I'm not in it for drama. You can have the fuckin oscar. But my point, which you STILL don't understand is, Every person has things that are important to them. And as a friend you should care and know what those things are. It doesn't matter if it is a gold star, a red pony, or a blue banana. The bottom line is, i'm making the mistake of thinking you care enough to try to fix something when you already told me the best way is to watch them burn and solve it themselves.
Patrick B: And you know what sometimes the child has t touch the hot stove to learn that its hot
Komisabe: I know that James loves his car. Enough to wash it a billion times a month. I personally would go to the car wash, but that's me. His gold star is having a clean car and it bothers him when it is dirty. So what. Let him get his gold star. I make sure i don't do anything to get it dirty because it is important to him. TO HIM.
Patrick B: James and I are still learning bout each other and we always will
Patrick B: Okay.. And that's respeating his car
Patrick B: We all need to do that
Patrick B: He pays for it
Patrick B: If I had a car o wuld be the same
Patrick B: Take care of the shit
Patrick B: He pays for his website and he takes carr of that
Komisabe: I know that terrence love his frats and school life. I personally hate frats. But that's His gold star. It's not i'mportant to me. The point is it's important to him. And so i will go and support his Honda all stars and frat stuff when he has it.
Komisabe: I'm talking bout the gold star, not the car or frats. Stay focused and listen.
Patrick B: really I think his website is more important
Patrick B: His car been dirty for weeks now
Patrick B: But that's just my opinion
Komisabe: STAY FOCUSED, they are just examples! Everyone has their own gold star. Just because you see it as trash, doesn't mean they don't see it as treasure.
Komisabe: Doesn't make them less than because different things are important to different people.
Patrick B: Okay and good...
Patrick B: But im not going to stand up and clap just becuase you gave edvice
Patrick B: Im going to be thankfull yes...
Patrick B: Gheeze
Patrick B: Taken things so seriusly
Patrick B: Wake up komi
Patrick B: You have tons of people here that like you for who you are
Patrick B: And we will always been here for you
Patrick B: Let us be your gold stars
Patrick B: James was mad yes.. But he is over it
Patrick B: If you went to his job today... he prob won't mind seeing you
Patrick B: Because you is his friend his brother
Patrick B: And you are my friend
Patrick B: Things the week should of never happen
Patrick B: I amit that it was some what two faced on my part
Patrick B: I should of not told james
Patrick B: And if my relationship goes to waist
Patrick B: Who gives a fuck
Patrick B: I live he lives
Patrick B: We move on
Patrick B: We move on
Patrick B: Im not going to cry no more
Patrick B: Becuase the tears that I cry now
Patrick B: Could drown mw
Komisabe: Fine. (EVEN THOUGH I REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. I want to be appreciated). What part are you not understanding. It's important to me. If you call your self a friend, shouldn't you make it important to you? That's what the examples meant, Patrick. James car is important to him. Terrence frats are important to him. Being loved is important to me. So if you say "Well i'm not gonna do that" or " Well you need to change what you want to what i'm gonna give you" it is the same as if you poured mud on his car. The point is that if it is important to them you NEED to respect that or else they are gonna bad feelings whether or not YOU think it is serious or not. It is serious to them.
Patrick B: Me*
Patrick B: Im done with crying
Patrick B: James is over it komi
Komisabe: Me too. I'm done with caring. You prove to me you don't care when you shyt all over my gold star. Same with James. I dont pee on you gold star, i try to shine it. I expect friends to do the same.
Patrick B: But you know what komi
Komisabe: I don't care how stupid you think my gold star is, It is MY gold star; respect it!
Patrick B: James is my gold tar but james can walk out my life any time
Patrick B: So I move on... and I make myself better
Komisabe: That's between y'all two.
Patrick B: Yes it is
Patrick B: but you know what.. Remeber this
Komisabe: Don't talk to me about James/Patrick.
Patrick B: We will aways be there because we do care... and we do love you
Patrick B: You are family
Patrick B: But if you don't want that
Patrick B: And you want to go on and on about you people
Patrick B: Then so be it
Patrick B: Im not going to make you be james best friend
Patrick B: Or my best friend
Patrick B: To this day james calls you his best friend
Komisabe: How can you care when you sit here and run down what is important to me? HOw? You sat here and dissed me. Call me a child, and tell me to just "GET OVER IT" Some friends. And you know how i feel about family. Does that really sound like someone that cares to you?
Patrick B: But im not going to make you my best friend if you don't want to be
Komisabe: I'm not talking bout James, i'm talking bout you.
Patrick B: You can go ahead and say patrick is the devil
Patrick B: Patrick don't care
Patrick B: But you know what
Patrick B: Sticks and stones may breck my bones but words will never hurt me
Patrick B: Sticks and stones may breck my bones but words will never hurt me
Komisabe: You answer that? I didn't SAY anything, i asked a question. How can you say you are a friend if you diss what is important to me and shyt all over my sensitive areas? I am asking a question?
Patrick B: You can be my friend
Patrick B: Or walk away that totaly up to you
Patrick B: Im not going to make you
Patrick B: Im not shiting on nothing
Patrick B: If I didn't care I sure as hell would not be in this nice hour long convo
Patrick B: Shot...
Patrick B: Shit*
Patrick B: James knows how I am,
Patrick B: I talk because I do care
Komisabe: Patrick B: IM NOT GOING TO REACH IN MY HAND BAG FOR A GOLD STAR
Patrick B: But also im a gemini
Komisabe: Patrick B: OR SOME CANDY
Patrick B: SHIT I GOT KIDS I CAN DO THAT FOR
Patrick B: DRAC AND CARLIE
Patrick B: OH YAY1
Patrick B: Komi went thrw all this
Patrick B: Here comes the oscar
Patrick B: If you think I shit on things
Komisabe: Patrick B: WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU ARE NOT A CHILD
Patrick B: Woohoo yay komi
Patrick B: Komi gave advice
Patrick B: He tried to help
Patrick B: Good job komi
Patrick B: Good job sweet heart
Patrick B: Let me give you some candy
Patrick B: You want that?
Patrick B: And I don't respect you then fine
Komisabe: Now what was that about not shytting on someone again? Care to repeat that?
Patrick B: BECAUSE YOUR NOT A FUCKING CHIOLD
Patrick B: CHILD*
Patrick B: GROW THE FUCK UP
Patrick B: CHARLIE AND DRAC DON'T EVEN GET A DAMN STICKER
Patrick B: GOOD JOB1
Komisabe: And again, you completely step on what is important to me. If i say it is important to me, how hard is it to not step on me?
Patrick B: You copy and past text
Patrick B: I know what the fuck I said
Patrick B: Because you acting like a child
Patrick B: You fall on the floor because you did not get what you want
Patrick B: Hell I won't lie I use to do that
Patrick B: But you know what...
Komisabe: Do you think that helps anything? Sending insult after insult? Do you think that makes me see you as a friend? I told you anybody can destroy shyt and break down shyt.
Patrick B: Im sure as hell not doing it now
Patrick B: What about you insults?
Patrick B: Im the devil?
Komisabe: Temper tantrums are what kids throw in front of people to get attention. Nobody knew i was suicidal. There was no blog.
Patrick B: You really want to touch that side of me?
Patrick B: You wantt to see the devil?
Komisabe: I never called you the devil. You did. I didn't come for you at all. I responded to you.
Patrick B: Everyone thinks of suicide
Komisabe: Copy and paste wher i called you the devil?
Komisabe: I didn't insult you. Or your gold star.
Komisabe: In fact, i asked you questions.
Patrick B: YOU FUCKING CALLED ME THE DEVIL TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE
Patrick B: YOU ACT LIKE PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING TALK
Patrick B: OR PEOPLE DON'T TELL OTHER PEOPLE SOMETHING
Patrick B: WATCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU SAY
Komisabe: I didn't call you the devil. Look in ya history. Where do you see me calling you the devil?
Patrick B: YOU WANT THE "DEVIL" YOU GET THE FUCKING DEVIL
Patrick B: YOU CAN'T SEE PEOPLE TRYING TO HELP YOUR ASS
Patrick B: ALL YOU SEE IS KOMI
Patrick B: KOMI WENT THREW ALL THIS
Patrick B: WRITE A BOOK
Komisabe: Okay patrick. Are you listening? When did i call you the devil. Show me where i called you the devil and i would gladly apologize.
Patrick B: STOP WITH THE PETTY SHIT AND MOVE THE FUCK ON
Patrick B: YOU SAID IT TO TERRENCE
Patrick B: AND TERRENCE TOLD JAMES
Komisabe: And now you go back to insulting me AGAIN. Am i insulting you patrick?
Patrick B: AND JAMES TOLD ME
Patrick B: CONGRADS
Patrick B: AND OUT OF ALL PEOPLE TERRENCE
Patrick B: YOU SHOULD KNOW TERRENCE AND JAMES AND KURT AND MATT.. THEY ARE LIKE THE GOLDEN GIRLS
Komisabe: So, basically you would rather believe what went thru three other people, instead of what i told you myself? You would rather believe I think what everyone told you i think, instead of what I told you i think? How does that make sense.
Patrick B: CHOLL THE FUCK OUT
Patrick B: CHOLL THE FUCK OUT
Komisabe: I didn't call you the devil. I told you that if you think i did, show me.
Patrick B: SEE WHAT IS INFRONT OF YOU AND STOP PUSHING IT AWAY OR YOU WILL BE ALONE
Patrick B: I can't according to terrence and james you did
Patrick B: If anything everyone has the devil in them
Patrick B: So just stop
Patrick B: Like I said you have a option
Komisabe: I haven't called you anything. I TOLD YOU MYSELF what I think. How can you say "Well, you told terrence and he told bessie and she told josephine, and she told toby, and he said that she said that it said...." I told you MYSELF what i think. Didn't I?
Patrick B: A you can just going to do what you going to do
Patrick B: B you going to continue to be thick headed
Patrick B: Or C see what people is offering you... and see that we all are here for you.. And move on from it.. Its not the end of the world
Komisabe: Who knows what i think better? Them or ME? And even if i said patrick was the devil (which i did not) what happened to that benefit of the doubt?
Patrick B: I am so tired ofhe said she said shit
Patrick B: Im not going to argue with you all day komi
Komisabe: Then maybe you should listen to me instead of what other people told you i think.
Patrick B: I refues to
Komisabe: But you go ahead and continue listening to the he said she said. Evidently, you must somehow think they know what I am thinkin better than I know what i'm thinking.
Komisabe: Don't argue with me then. I don't care. Bye Patrick.
Patrick B: Okay fine
Patrick B: You made your choice
Patrick B: You can be alone then
Patrick B: You calm?
Komisabe: Yeah. I sent the convo to james and i'm gonna post it on livejournal. That way nobody can say "Komi said this" or "Komi said that".
Patrick B: Okay...
Patrick B: And is that sopose to make me feel bad?
Patrick B: Because you post a convo on live journal
Patrick B: Hmmm that's silly
Komisabe: NO it is not. It is "supposed" to let everyone know what was said. I put it there for clarification. Not to insult or cause any harm to anyone.
Komisabe: I want NO he said she said.
Komisabe: I just want things to be clear. Is that okay?
Patrick B: Ok
Patrick B: Yes and that's fine
One friend dates a friend of mine. And he conveniently stops calling whenever i happen to tell him he is wrong. As long as i agree that it's the other person's fault, he is cool. As soon as i point out his wrong, he doesn't wanna talk.
Another person i used to get along with, I found apologizing to keep the peace. It grew to the point that i got in his face and blew up somewhat. All because of stored up anger because I felt he didn't appreciate my opinion.
Now, I bet a friend of mine a grand, to make a decision in HIS BEST INTEREST. One Thousand Bucks. $1000! And he lost the bet. I said I told you so and he got mad. He said " To Hell With This." You know what? To Hell With you. And this is not the first time. He said i joked "too harshly" and caught an attitude. Save that shyt for people who don't
My ex had to get cussed out last night because i was so sick of his High Horse demeanor that I was ready to slap him again. I broke it down that, he doesn't love me. He pities me. He thinks that he always "knows" better than me. And I couldn't take it.
This even goes back further than that. One friend who i told to get a job for years, finally got one. Now he has a baby, so he really doesn't have a choice. But life could have been way easier if you had listened to me. Remember how i used to even TELL you when jobs were hiring? Well, have fun, Daddy. (Though me and this person are cool now, i am illustrating a point).
James, I love you with all my heart, like my own brother. Steven, You are a close pal of mine and have been for the better part of my life. Oden, If you ever read this, know you are valued. Katzu....you are a special piece of my heart. GB, Evan, Matt, Some of my closest friends. All of those who value me in your life? I Thank you even if i forgot to mention you by name. To the rest?
FUCK YOU ALL.
And unless there is something that i missed in all my pent up anger, I'm not taking it back. I don't give a shyt about those who don't give a shyt about me. If you cannot understand that i care, then get the hell out of my way. You serve no purpose on this life than to suck royally. If you cannot percieve that i am a friend and not an enemy, then i will choose my side for you. I will not be friends with or value people who don't value me. Period.
Read this.
There will never be another "I told you so" ever again. Not because I want to spare your feelings. It is because, frankly, I could give a shit.
I'm so sick of caring. It makes me want to puke. And that is AS REAL as i could EVER Get. PERIOD.
- Mood:
angry
